Utter the words ‘child home alone’ and what are the first things that come to mind? Maybe it’s an image of Kevin McCallister spooning an ice cream sundae into his mouth while binge watching TV. Or perhaps, it’s the house completely wrecked (think dreaded colouring pencils over the walls, carpet stains, the lot).
The age you should leave your child home alone has always been a divisive topic. A 2019 survey of social workers in the US found that children should be at least 12 years of age before being left home alone. But as with many things in the minefield that is parenting, there really is no one size fits all approach.
There's lots to consider when it comes to this parenting milestone. What does the law say? Can an older sibling babysit? And how can we make it go as smoothly as possible?
We've asked experts and parents for their advice, and broken down everything you need to know about leaving your child home alone.
What is the law about leaving your child home alone?
There is no law in place around what age a child can be before they are left at home alone. However, the law states it is an offence to leave a child on their own at home or in a car if it places them at risk.
The government website says, ‘use your judgement on how mature your child is before you decide to leave them alone, for example at home or in a car.’
What does the NSPCC say about leaving your child home alone?
The National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children (NSPCC) has helpful guidance on its website about what age to leave your child alone, and also a quiz which can help to determine if they’re ready.
The NSPCC guidelines state:
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Children under 12 are 'rarely mature enough' to be left alone for a long period of time.
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Children under 16 should not be left alone overnight.
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Babies, toddlers and young children should never be left alone, this includes never being left in a car while you run into a shop.
‘There's no legal age a child can be left home alone, but it’s against the law to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk. Every child matures differently, so it would be almost impossible to have a "one size fits all" law,’ says the NSPCC. ‘Every child is different, so build up their independence at their pace – and check in with them to make sure they feel safe.’
How do I know my child is ready to be left home alone?
With no hard and fast rule about when your child can stay home alone, it’s up to parents to decide. Georgina Sturmer, Counsellor and Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), explains it’s important to consider both the ‘explicit’ and ‘implicit’ signs that your child is ready.
‘The explicit signs are exactly what they say on the tin. Your child might have approached you directly to ask to stay home alone,' she says. 'Or perhaps you’ve noticed that friends with children of similar ages are allowing their child to stay home alone. Maybe you’ve done a "dry run" to test their safety and independence.'
Implicit signs, adds Sturmer, include asking ‘Do they seem safe and confident in their own company? Are they showing signs of being able to make decisions in an emergency? If they have asked to be left alone, are you sure that this is what they really want, or are they acting on "peer pressure", whether it’s real or imagined?’
Can siblings babysit?
One of the most convenient (and cheapest!) ways to leave your child home alone is to get an older sibling to babysit. There is currently no law stating what age a child can babysit, but it's worth nothing that if you leave your children with someone under 16, you are still responsible for their wellbeing, say the NSPCC.
The NSPCC also states 'You should also think carefully about leaving your child alone with an older brother or sister. If they fall out, you won’t be around to make the peace.'
When it comes to babysitting siblings, Matt Buttery, CEO of Triple P UK and Ireland, says there are numerous factors for parents to consider. The first is to always be prepared.
'When planning for a sibling to babysit other children, parents may want to plan for high risk situations and establish clear ground rules early on. Doing so will help parents feel confident their child knows what to do in an emergency, as well as give their child some peace of mind about managing the unknown should it occur,' he says.
Buttery also stresses the importance of discussing how your child feels about being left with their siblings before you leave the house, and creating a plan to address any of their concerns. 'For example, if the younger child is afraid of the dark, they can instruct their sibling to leave lights on in the property when they are out. Having a channel of open communication is crucial to helping your child feel comfortable and confident about looking after their siblings,' he says, adding that a trial run can also be helpful in building up confidence before siblings are left in charge.
Finally, Buttery says to be conscious of the potential for sibling rivalry when children are left alone together. 'Parents may want to consider how well their children get along before leaving them in each other's company - can they resolve conflict peacefully? How often do they fight? In considering these questions, parents can establish whether they are comfortable leaving their children without adult supervision,' he says.
What precautions should I take before leaving my child home alone?
As with lots of things in parenting, preparation is key when it comes to leaving your child home alone. Sturmer recommends talking your child through risks and emergency situations that might arise, as this allows them to feel empowered to cope with what might happen. She also advises considering how they can reach you, or someone else, if they need to. ‘With the prevalence of mobile phones, we don’t all have access to a landline. Make sure that your child knows what to do,’ she says. ‘Give them a set of keys. You might not plan for them to leave the house. But if for some reason they step outside and the door slams shut, make sure that they have a way back into the house.’
Finally, Sturmer recommends setting rules for when the doorbell rings. ‘Should they ignore it, or perhaps answer the door with a safety chain attached?’ she says. ‘Ask them what they need to know. Their questions might surprise you.'
Buttery agrees, adding that parents may want to 'childproof' the house before they leave, or assign certain rooms the children are allowed to stay in while they're gone. 'By removing potential dangers such as alcohol, prescriptive medicines and other dangerous items, parents can reduce the risk for potential mishaps, however unlikely they may seem,' he says.
What the parents say...
What age you leave your child home alone is a divisive topic. From coming home to find your children aren't there to chocolate complaints, we've collated anonymous (and judgement free) stories from parents about their experiences of leaving their children home alone...
Sarah* says: 'The first time I left my son at home alone he was 10, and I had to take my youngest to an event. There were no mobile phones then so it was on pure trust. I left them with instructions about what not to touch. We went to the event and and when I got home they were not home, heart in mouth and panic setting in! I drove around looking for them for over an hour only to find they had gone over the road to their mates! We didn’t leave them on their own for a very long time after that.'
Rachel* says: 'Mine are only one and five so I haven't really left them alone yet. But when my littlest arrived, I would leave the eldest (then four) and walk up and down the pavement outside the front of our house with the buggy to get the baby to sleep.'
Katie* says: 'Recently, we left our three children (15, 11 and 8) on their own while we went for dinner in a local restaurant. We were only five minutes away and out for two hours. Half way through dinner, our eldest child called. We panicked thinking something was wrong. In fact he was calling as there were only two Freddos left in the packet and didn’t know what to do.'
Elizabeth* says: 'Our son is a very 'sensible' 13 year old and to be honest, our ten year old daughter is even more sensible than him, so it was only with slight trepidation that we decided to try leaving him in charge for the evening when we went out to a friend's party about five minutes walk up the road. There were definitely a few moments where my brain catastrophised about all the things that could go wrong, but we needn't have worried, it was all fine, and he dutifully sent us regular text updates (because he knew I'd worry!), even telling us when he went to bed and encouraging us to enjoy ourselves. Not needing to pay for a babysitter has been an absolute game changer for us, and whilst we try not to do it too often, we feel much more relaxed now about it all.'