Let’s be honest, parenting as lovely as it is, is definitely one of the most stressful jobs in the world - apart from parenting more than one, that can be enough to send even the most chilled-out, organised of parents into a spin.
The demands of twins or more than one child in general can very quickly lead to that awful feeling of overwhelm. You know, when you can no longer think straight, your heart is racing and well, you’re just a mess and the kids are making you run around in circles.
Here, twin mums Jenna Good and Alison Perry, hosts of the Twinning It podcast, reveal top tips from their guests on how to cope with those parenting hurdles like weaning, potty training, breastfeeding, holidays and sleep, without completely losing your mind in the process!
Psychotherapist, author and podcaster Anna Mathur @annamathur on feelings of overwhelm
"I’ve got three children and I recently wondered why I was irritable and highly-strung all the time but as soon as I started to see that as ‘overwhelm’ I started seeing it completely differently. Because when we feel angry we can be so judgemental towards ourselves.
"When we feel irritable, it feels relentless and it’s hard to see the wood through the trees and we can feel this frustration rising up. It can feel incredibly conflicting with how we want to feel in motherhood which is that maternal love, patient and calm - that caricature of motherhood.
"As soon as I started to see this rage, irritability and resentment maybe towards other mums who don’t get how it feels to have double or more needs coming towards you, I started to see that and I chipped away at some of that guilt that we can sometimes feel towards ourselves as a result of these conflicting emotions. We need to recognise these moments and learn to parent ourselves by relieving ourselves of the guilt.
"Some more practical tips that I find help in general moments of overwhelm is to do a deep inhale and a steady elongated exhale. In these moments of overwhelm it’s telling your body that you’re safe, it’s ok and you’re being there for yourself and it’s good to model this for kids as well. So for example if dinner time is stressful I might just do some breathing to calm my body down. About 5-10 breaths usually helps. You’re telling yourself that you’re grounding yourself and this intentionality that you’re helping yourself is also very meaningful. Sometimes in the car and in the kitchen when it feels overwhelming and all consuming it's a really good idea to open the window, hear what’s going on outside to show yourself that there is world outside of this moment."
Psychologist Suzy Reading @suzyreading on giving ourselves self-care fuel when we have our hands full
"What we say to ourselves matters. Find a pet name for yourself, which naturally helps us have kinder internal dialogue. Darling, sweet-pie, chicken-bunny...find something kind and comforting. And when there are particularly testing times, pick a focal point. Zoom in on something you find captivating on your child. If they're having a meltdown or kicking you, look at their little eye-lashes, the little folds in their skin and use it as a circuit breaker."
Founder of Facebook called Breastfeeding Twins and Triplets UK, Kathryn Stagg @kathrynstaggibclc, on taking social media with a pinch of salt:
'I run a supportive group on Facebook and while it’s there to help, I do like to remind people that while social media can be useful, also be aware that they can also give you an idea of the barriers. Remember that people who post on social media helps groups on Facebook and the like, are struggling so you have to caveat that as there are many people who are finding breastfeeding easy who are not posting.
"Another tip is that you don’t need to stress and worry about buying lots of expensive breastfeeding clothes. Buy loads of cheap stretchy vest tops and a baggy top to go over the top, as these are the easiest clothes for breastfeeding."
Norland Trained Nanny Louenna Hood @nannylouenna on how to relax when potty training
"Potty training can be a lot bigger in your mind than it actually is. All children go through this and they do get there in the end, as long as your child is ready it won’t be an issue. The longer your wait the quicker and easier the process.
"Don’t potty train them before they are ready or because your friends are doing it, wait until they are ready. The children that are mentally ready breeze through it and so will you."
Karen Edwards @travelmadmum on traveling with a big family
"My top tip is to choose a climate that’s comfortable so you don’t get too hot and bothered chasing them and that’s not too cold so there’s not too many layers to worry about. Not too hot, not too cold, around mid 20s is perfect. As much as it can be difficult I just try to laugh at the madness, it’s good to try and see the funny side and laugh it off because what else can you do?
"The younger they are the easier they are to travel with long haul, when they’re not moving around yet. But when they’re between 18 months to about 3.5years old is the hardest time to travel so try to choose easier options during this time.
"I always use this anagram when I’m packing: SAS: sleep, activities, snacks."
Kate Ball, Founder of Mini First Aid @noahsarkfamily and mum of two sets of twins
"With two sets of twins, I’ve had my share of bumps and trips to A & E. I quickly discovered that learning first aid for yourself helps you to stay calm and act quickly. 70% of parents tell us that choking is their number one concern. With multiples, this can feel more overwhelming.
"My top tips are: 1) Chop food lengthways to reduce risk of choking. 2) Sit down with your children to eat. Choking is silent so children need to sit with an adult. 3) Show children how to chew their food – they learn from you. And you might get to eat regularly too!"
Annabel Karmel, weaning expert and author, @annabelkarmel on keeping your cool during weaning
"Try not to worry if they refuse to eat what you’ve given them. I used to give no attention for not eating but if my son ate something I wanted him to eat, even if it was very small, I would give him lots of praise.
"My other top tip for busy parents with multiple children is to batch cook and freeze. And if they’re twins don’t worry about them sharing spoons etc, but once you have used a spoon and it goes back into the food you have to throw that food away because of bacteria."
Sarah Carpenter, co-author of Sleep Better Baby and co-podcast host of The Sleep Mums @thesleepmums on sleep
"It’s really important not to focus too much on getting into a sleep routine in those early weeks. Twin families in particular are told that if they get into a routine then everything is going to be great. But it doesn't work like that. You have two babies who have different needs. You can get there eventually with a routine, but you have to treat them as individuals as well.
"Take the pressure off, stop thinking about sleep to begin with and focus more on feeding and use that as your stepping stones for how you’re going to work out your day. If you get too stuck on routine too early on your anxieties will go through the roof so take the pressure off."
For more helpful advice on parenting multiples head to the Twinning Itpodcast and you can find them on Instagram @twinningitpodcast