I’ll never forget, being pregnant and at my 12 week scan, husband dutifully holding my hand as we stared at the screen overhead, with nondescript blue shapes swirling around on it. It was at that moment, when we were asked a question that totally threw us a curveball. “Sorry….” the sonographer said, with a confused look on her face. “Did you just say you’ve been for an early scan and you were told there was just one baby?”
Er, yes… Well, surprise! There were two babies and we were actually expecting twins. I’m not sure anything can prepare you for that moment. You’re there, feeling nervous and just waiting for the good news that everything looks fine and healthy with your baby. So to be told there are two babies? Mind-blowing.
But that question asked by the confused sonographer was just the beginning of a whole series of questions that twin mums should expect to be asked. To save you (and them) time, I've answered some here...
Did you conceive them naturally?
First up, what must be the most personal of questions – and yet it’s asked so often! I was even asked this by the lollipop lady, as we crossed at the school gates. Hang on, are you asking me whether or not my partner and I had sex in order to conceive these babies? I mean, happy to share, but fair’s fair, you tell me about your sex life first. Favourite position?
We conceived our twins through IVF, which is of course, why so many people ask this question. After natural conception, around one in 80 births in the UK results in multiples, compared with one in five after IVF treatment.
Were they planned?
Slightly less intrusive a question, than the previous one, this is merely asking whether we were having sex trying to conceive or just drank too much gin one Saturday night, got frisky and whoops, got pregnant. I suspect people ask this because an unplanned twin pregnancy is going to be double the shock, right?
Do twins run in your family?
Fun fact: only non-identical twins run in the family - it can be hereditary for women to release more than one egg each month. Identical twins are a quirk of fate - one fertilised egg splits and forms two identical embryos. an egg splitting.
Can you tell them apart?
When my twins were newborns, we were asked this all the time. And actually, it was something I really fretted about when I was pregnant. “What if we can’t tell them apart? All babies look the same!” I’d wail to my husband. When they were born, we painted nail polish on a toe-nail of one of the twins, to help. But honestly? We could just tell them apart. Twin parents have this spidey-sense and we just know.
Do you get any sleep?
This question can be answered differently, depending on who is doing the asking. Bumped into a friend or family member who asks? Get all the sympathy you can, and reply “No, none at all,” with a tired eye flicker. They’ll likely offer help or make you some brownies.
If you’re asked by a twin-mum-to-be, you can tell them the truth, whatever that may be. We managed to get pockets of sleep throughout the day while our twins napped (and my eldest was at school) and took ‘shifts’ during the night so that we each got a bit of sleep.
How do you feed them at the same time?
This was another question that I asked myself, while I was pregnant. But thankfully it is totally possible to breastfeed or bottle feed two small babies at the same time. There are different positions and holds you can use – and for bottle feeding, popping each baby in a bouncer chair and sitting in the middle to feed them, works well. Equally, I know twin parents who just fed their babies one at a time. Do whatever works!
How do you ever manage to leave the house?
Full disclosure: for the first few weeks, we didn’t. But that was more out of choice, than logistics. Once we were feeling more human and felt like facing the world, it was just a matter of being super organised, packing what we needed in our (big) change bag and heading out. Not too far though… it was always nice to be able to scurry home to our safe little nest.
Oh double trouble! You’ve got your hands full, haven’t you?
Yes, yes we do. As annoying as this question is – because twins don’t automatically mean double trouble – it can be nice to encourage the thought that twin parents are super heroes, battling through the hardest of days and emerging triumphant, only to battle again the next day.
So, yes, I am incredible, thank you very much!
Read more from Alison Perry in her book OMG It’s Twins, Ebury Publishing available now.