Katie Kirby is a bestselling author, illustrator and parenting blogger, also known as Hurrah for Gin. To celebrate the launch of The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks, her second book in the relatable series for tween readers, Katie - who is now mum to an 11-year-old - talks about the challenges facing young tweens today...
'I remember being a tween as a really tricky age. One minute you are happily playing with your Sylvanian Families without a care in the world and then suddenly, the rug is pulled from beneath you.
'You are whisked out of your small safe primary school into a huge secondary where you are expected to start behaving like an adult. Everything feels like it’s changing; your friends, your interests, your moods, and your body.
'That safe haven you found playing with bunny rabbits and hedgehogs has been replaced with a whole host of new anxieties. Am I popular enough, am I cool enough, what should I wear? OMG I’ve got a spot!
'It was hard in the 1990s, but it is much harder for the tweens of today because back then we had the advantage of being able to disconnect. Now the pressure is 24/7.'
Social Media
'Any parent of a kid approaching double digits will get asked ‘When can I get phone?’ multiple times a day. And as soon as they reluctantly relent, that question gets replaced with ‘Can I get Instagram/TikTok/Snapchat?’
'Anything I ask my 11-year-old to do – brush your teeth/get your shoes on/take a shower – seems to take about 10 times as long as it should do because of the need to watch an INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT reel of a panda rolling down a hill.
'If I try and shimmy things along, I’m met with moans of BUT IT’S NEARY FINISHED MUM!
'Except it’s never really finished because those reels just keep on reeling.
'We have to have enforced screen free time in our house because sometimes I get seriously worried that my kids have no idea how to harness the wonderful creativity that comes out of being bored.'
Crushes
'I don’t think much has changed on this score. Crushes are as all consuming as they ever were and the opportunities to make a complete idiot of yourself in front of them is as real as it’s ever been.
'The difference is that when you trip over nothing, go flying across the corridor and end up by the feet of the girl or boy you like, with your skirt over your head, there is probably someone there who is filming it or tweeting it or snapchatting it to the ENTIRE school.
'I have very few photos from my high school years, and in many ways I’m pretty glad about that.'
Looking ‘cool’
'I simply cannot believe how cool kids look these days. When I was 11, the best I could hope for was rustling though a bin bag of my cousin’s hand me downs for something vaguely OK looking, or convincing my mum to spend £3 on a new pair of cycling shorts from the market (complete with hot pink neon stripe, naturally).
'I just don’t think as a generation we were that ‘cool’ and that was absolutely fine.
'Now it’s all expensive brands, the latest Air Force 1s, contouring and expertly styled hair. The pressure to look a certain way must be quite overwhelming so I think it’s important to try and counteract the perfect images our kids see on Instagram with the message that ‘It’s OK to be yourself’ and help them realise that everything is online is highly filtered and edited.'
Mean Girls/Boys
'I think this is one of biggest challenges faces today’s tweens is the inability to switch off and escape.
'Before social media and mobile phones, any falls outs and arguments you had were left at the school gates. Hopefully by the next day they would have been forgotten and you could all just move in. It’s not that simple now.
'Kids have the ability to message each other 24/7 and often do so in huge WhatsApp groups. Do you ever look at your child’s phone in shock to see that they have 327 WhatsApp notifications? How on earth are they meant to keep up with that?!
'The main problem is that gossip spreads like wildfire and so unfortunately does malice.
'We have a no phones in bedrooms rule in our house and I think it’s important to keep tabs on what they are doing online if you suspect anything is amiss.
'Everyone needs downtime and if it’s difficult to find that balance as an adult, then it’s near on impossible for a kid. Taking time to switch off and enjoy family time together is important and as much as the kids always protest about going on a ‘nice walk’, they usually enjoy it more than they think.'
Finding your tribe
'It’s certainly not all doom and gloom out there.
'Yes, we have to be mindful of what are kids are doing online and how much time they are staring at their phones but one of the best things to come out of social media is the opportunities to connect with people who share the same thoughts, feelings, worries or experiences as you.
'It’s never been easier to find new hobbies and interests and to learn new skills. There is a whole host of content online that can lead to a world of opportunities. It’s never been easier to find your tribe, no matter how niche it might be.'
The Catastrophic Friendship Fails of Lottie Brooks (Puffin) is out now