I assume Rishi Sunak thought that women everywhere would be glowing from his words in the House of Commons today: ‘We owe mums everywhere an enormous debt of thanks for juggling childcare responsibilities alongside other duties during the pandemic.‘
How lovely! I hope we qualify for clapping soon!
When social media exploded in righteous fury he pointed to the fact that he'd been asked a question ‘about mums’, tweeting: 'For clarity I was answering a question about mums - worth watching the full clip'.
The question to the Treasury Committee – about female business owners – was sexist. Rishi Sunak had an opportunity to challenge the assumption that closure of the schools and the burden of homeschooling should not be a concern for women alone. He did not.
His answer omitted any mention of dads or parents. He didn’t need to say ‘mums’. He could have said ‘parents’. It’s the casual assumption that 'childcare responsibilities' is a job for women.
The fact that he doesn’t even see this wording as a problem is the problem.
This language damages both sexes. It perpetuates the stereotype that men do not play a role in the domestic sphere. This manages to offend women, because it is not their sole responsibility, and offend the men who do their equal share.
Normalising the idea that women should be in sole charge of childcare duties, and ignoring the role men should be playing, helps further widen the gender imbalance. Comments like these discourage fathers from participating, ingraining the belief that home-schooling, care work, chores in the home are ‘women’s work’.
It shouldn’t be a surprise.
Throughout the pandemic we have been treated to a parade of male politicians on our televisions dictating policy that has a profound impact on home life. And yet we don’t feel they really understand the reality of who it affects most – because where are the women?
Indeed, so shocking was the idea that a father might actually have to parent his own child and juggle his job they sanctioned his 260 mile trip to source other childcare… from female relatives (natch). Speaking of Dominic Cummings, Boris Johnson said, ‘I think he followed the instinct of any father, of any parent…’
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No, mate, no woman would drive their COVID-infested family across the country to another woman for childcare.
They just don’t get it.
And there is an important debate to be had. The reality is that this pandemic is disproportionately affecting women in the majority of households. Women already take on more childcare and chores at home alongside their jobs. One survey estimated working women are doing 20 hours more domestic labour a week.
And we also know this pandemic is hitting low paid mums and single parents the hardest. We have women crying out for help from the government. The TUC surveyed working parents: 93% of the responses came from women. Many are struggling - caring for family members, undertaking an uneven number of domestic duties, home-schooling and then working late into the evening.
They also want men like Rishi to realise that this inequality is real in so many households, and should be challenged, not perpetuated.
They need to hear that there is some support, some practical help. They need to hear that people are challenging these outdated stereotypes and asking more questions about this gender disparity.
Of course, there are households where the domestic load is more equal. And I’m sure some men will be keen to message me after this piece to tell me they pull their weight. Great. You should be.
Mums don’t want to be thanked. They want change. They want the promise of future support. They want the government to reflect their concerns. They also want men like Rishi to realise that this inequality is real in so many households, and should be challenged, not perpetuated.
It’s 2021 and we are still raising our children to think that women need to juggle their work and home life.
There should be hope. With more opportunities for flexible working, and more people working from home in the future, we should see a more equal share of domestic labour in the future. We need to show both women and men that childcare, care work, educating our children is of value.
Language is important.
So, thanks for the thanks Rishi – but no thanks.
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