Here’s something a little awkward to admit: I own two breastfeeding bras. I bought them when I was pregnant with my first baby and imagined I’d wear them for a few months if I was able to breastfeed. Instead, I’ve alternated wearing them every single day for 18 months (and counting). I never imagined I’d be breastfeeding a walking, somewhat-talking human being, because here’s something else I hate to admit - when I saw other mothers nursing their toddlers I cringed. This week Rihanna - a woman who has changed the game of maternity dressing has now done the same postpartum -launching a collection of nursing bralettes for her brand Savage X Fenty. She models for the campaign herself while breastfeeding her 14-month-old son RZA. For mothers, like me, who are still breastfeeding their toddlers, it’s a mega stand of solidarity.
Besides cracked nipples and a few latching issues, I was fortunate that my son and I took to breastfeeding well. The blurry, relentless early days of feeding every hour or so, I actually kinda loved. I could lift my dinky baby to my chest and throw a blanket over him to discreetly nurse anywhere - no one batted an eyelid; if anything, I imagined they thought it was commendable. I was at a museum one afternoon when I saw a toddler walk up to their mother, ask for milk and proceed to breastfeed standing up. Every bit of breastfeeding camaraderie I had went out the window, as I reasoned that feeding a small infant was appropriate whereas this bordered on odd. By the time my baby is standing we would have stopped, I silently pledged.
I’m sure narrow-mindedness on my behalf isn’t entirely to blame. Attitudes to publicly breastfeeding infants have come a long way (my local department store has signs inviting mothers to breastfeed anywhere in the shop - including the bed department) but breastfeeding a toddler can still feel taboo. Most of us are well aware of the benefits of breastfeeding (if we choose or are able to) in the first year of a baby's life, but as a paediatric doctor pal told me studies on extended breastfeeding are frustratingly limited. Adding to this, most of the images we see in the media are of mothers breastfeeding small babies; when it is an older child it’s often partnered with a shock headline. There was the viral TIME magazine cover of a three-year-old boy breastfeeding, which the publication said was 'the subject of considerable disagreement within TIME’s staff' and received a legion of letters for its ‘controversial’ and ‘provocative’ subject. In a culture that has sexualised breasts and uses cleavage to sell everything from fried chicken to cars, negative responses to feeding beyond the ‘norm’ are sadly unsurprising.
Here’s another factor, while my newborn was a peaceful feeder, my toddler is not. He is currently so attached to a toy car that he rolls it across my clavicle as I breastfeed him, he changes position and pulls off to wave hello. There are days he still breastfeeds a lot, and days he feeds less, which has sent my supply AWOL (as I write this I’m holding a hot water bottle to my engorged right boob). Where I had the confidence to breastfeed my infant anywhere, I now tend to stick to feeding in the safety and privacy of my own home. I wish I was more like my friend Helen, who couldn’t care less what other people think and feeds her near two-year-old anywhere (including on the golf course, in the middle of a competition). But for every Helen, I know other mothers who worry that people may look over their shoulder. 'I try not to breastfeed my daughter in public because I am very aware of how old she is,' says Cam, a mum of a 2½ -year-old, adding that it can feel like breastfeeding a toddler can be 'jarring to see'. When she considered going back to work at 12 months breastfeeding was a limiting factor because, however open-minded we think we are, we don’t have a culture of supporting women to breastfeed in the office.
If you’re breastfeeding a toddler, there are a lot of opinions to contend with; your own, your partner, friends, even those of strangers. I’ve had a relative give me unsolicited advice on weaning and concern that my son may not be eating enough because he’s filling up on breastmilk, when in reality he has an appetite for both. When I tell people I’m still breastfeeding, it’s often followed by a question about when I plan to stop. My neighbour even asked me once, I think she saw me breastfeed through the window. My unsatisfying answer is this: I don’t know.
Despite all the obstacles, I’m just not ready to give breastfeeding up and I don’t believe my son is either. Besides, there is evidence that breastfeeding continues to be beneficial. 'Breastmilk beyond 12 months doesn’t lose its benefits,' says Dr Sharon Silberstein, a Medical Doctor and International Board Certified Lactation Consultant. 'It remains rich in vitamins, minerals and fats which provide a basis for growth and development. Breastmilk composition changes with the baby’s age and also adapts to provide an immune response to germs in the environment.' Furthermore, as toddlers can get more defiant in their behaviour she adds that breastfeeding is an 'excellent parenting tool, it can help to settle and soothe a child'.
So here’s my unsolicited opinion of Rihanna’s breastfeeding campaign. I’m grateful that she has used her platform to show that toddler breastfeeding is perfectly normal and healthy. Perhaps it’s time I invest in a third breastfeeding bra - make that a Savage X Fenty.