With new research from the Working Families charity showing four in 10 lower income families are in debt due to childcare and 65% of parents of under-fives saying childcare is a financial strain, many working parents are quietly decreasing their paid-for childcare provisions. Is this making the parenting gap between colleagues with and without kids even wider? The Juggle hears from women on both sides.
Typing ‘no problem’ in response to a text detailing how her colleague wouldn’t be able to make an important meeting, Jenny realised it was the fourth time in as many weeks - and although she’d said ‘no problem’ she was starting to think there was one. ‘I know my colleague has dropped a day a week of her childcare, we’re friends so she’s confided in me, I understand she’s done it because money is tight and at first I did everything I could to cover for her but now I feel bit like- is this forever?’, explains Jenny 40, who works in events. She adds. ‘It means that I and other colleagues often have to pick up her work on this day as with two toddlers at home she can’t really do much beyond keeping an eye on emails so meetings and calls or anything in person is just automatically out. Add to this that our boss doesn’t know and presumes she’s still wfh with childcare and I feel in a really awkward position.’
Emily, 34 who works in marketing, has a similar experience. ‘This is something that I have definitely noticed and seems to have been enabled through remote working, which means people disappearing has been much less visible - at least to the higher-ups. I know I’ve had to pick up extra work a lot to combat this. Flexible working is good and important, but the problem is that people don't want to take the cut in pay and do it openly - and I can see why, with the cost of living crisis and no proper pay rises. I'm not sure what the answer is, but if you don't have kids you can feel like you're getting the short straw.’
Victoria, 38 a graphic designer, explains how it feels to be the one forced into childcare quiet quitting: ‘When our nursery and after school club fees went up we tried to carry on with the four days a week childcare that I needed for my job but we just couldn’t make it work, we had to prioritise the mortgage and other bills which also went up and this was the only place we could trim. Our thinking was we managed during Covid so we’ll have to do it again, even though we have two not one now. It’s like an incredibly stressful tightrope walk for the two days we’ve cut, small things like my youngest taking longer to go down for his nap or more traffic than usual on the school run and that’s a missed meeting. My boss is understanding but I’m the only parent of small kids on the team and I can see the sighs from colleagues when I have to say I can’t make a certain time or deadline. I don’t want to be this person but I don’t know what else to do.’
Faye, 38, sits in the middle of the issue: ‘I have a child in nursery and it’s a massive financial strain so I sympathise but someone I manage has quit her childcare altogether after a huge mortgage hike and I know as a mum myself that she can’t do her role efficiently with kids at home all day. She’s making errors and as a manager I need to do something but what choice does she have? She’d need a huge pay rise to be able to afford the full time care she needs alongside all the other living costs that have gone up and I can’t give her that so we’re just going to have to sit tight and hope something changes. If I speak to my manager about it I’m worried about what it could mean for her.’
With frustrations and a lack of solutions on both sides plus no signs of our cost of living crisis abating, is there anything that can be done?
Mum of four Katy Walton @middle_age_and_mantras tells us how she manages to make it work: “I have two sets of twins, 13 and seven and I had to find employment that could be managed without regular childcare. It means a lot of diary planning and appointment juggling between my husband and I, we take it in terms to use the office and shut the door to keep the chaos of family life out of client earshot and, for the most part, employers and clients have been supportive and understanding. There is a lot of baton passing between my husband and I, and we are only able to manage our jobs and parenting duties in this way because we are so jointly committed to our family. My husband likes to put everything on a Google calendar, but I prefer my old school paper diary. The process of physically writing helps me not to forget! We sit down every few weeks and block in all the new dates that need to be juggled, occasionally one of us has to ‘pull rank’ and the other has to move something but that doesn’t happen often.”
'Childcare Quiet Quitting' - Here's What You Need To Know
Team facilitator and career coach Florence Weber-Zuanigh of Diversity in the Boardroom gives us her advice.
Does your boss have a right to know if you decide to ditch your childcare?
Ultimately, employers need to know you can perform your role without interference. Temporary childcare issues can happen, for which there is some legal protection, but ditching childcare as a long-term/permanent solution is something that could interfere with fulfilling your job.
How should you approach it with your boss? Is it best to be honest or try to muddle through?
Muddling through it and not mentioning it to your boss will just put a lot more pressure on you in an already tricky situation. Having an open conversation with your boss, including discussing flexible working options, is a good way to feel some form of control, alleviate your anxiety and remain honest. If your boss doesn't have any children or dependants, you can remind them childcare in the UK can cost more than your monthly rent/mortgage so you having this conversation shows how much you care about your career and your role within the company.
If you're the boss how can you make sure an employee having limited childcare doesn't affect other colleagues and cause resentment?
Resentment affects teamwork, performance and can easily snowball into much more than that. First and foremost check in with your own resentment. Are you fully accepting and understanding of that person's situation? Curiosity and honesty are the best policies. Don't let this be something people want to gossip about. You can openly talk to your team/that person's colleagues to explain what has been implemented, how it will work, and how you would do the same if they were in that situation. Fostering an environment of compassion, understanding, and communication has many positive outcomes.
If you're someone who feels they're made to pick up after a colleague in a situation like this what should you do?
First of all, ask yourself whether other colleagues might have to pick up after you at times. If you are working within a team, chances are you had trickier times when others had to be more efficient than you were. With that in mind, have an open chat with your colleague but make sure to replace any judgment with curiosity and honesty. Feeling judged only makes a conversation escalate rather than reach a solution or a mutual understanding. You can also encourage that colleague to look at the company's flexible working policies.