Hurrah, finally some joyous news in the world - Mummy Pig - mother to Peppa and George Pig (aged four and two respectively), wife to Daddy Pig is set to announce that she’s pregnant with a third child in the final episode of the current series of Peppa Pig, which airs on Mother’s Day.
While parents around the country rejoice on the greatest gift of all for Mother’s Day - a new episode of a show that’s guaranteed to render your child immobile in front of the TV for a solid 10 minutes - it does raise some serious questions.
No, not how does the fictional pregnancy of a talking pig become such big news that it’s announced live on Good Morning Britain, but how on earth are Mummy and Daddy pig doing to make three children under five work? Mummy Pig does ‘very important work’ on her computer, while Daddy pig is also seen to go out to the office, so the pigs appear to be a dual-income family. But what sort of maternity package does Mummy Pig have that means she’s able to take another year out of work without sinking into debt?! My second maternity leave left my husband and I stony broke, but maybe Granny and Grandad Pig will be stepping in to help.
Assuming Mummy Pig needs to go back to work, as all fictional pigs notoriously do, how on earth will they pay for childcare for three children?
Assuming Mummy Pig needs to go back to work, as all fictional pigs do, how on earth will they pay for childcare for three children? Peppa may be in school by then, but as I’ve discovered, after-school, breakfast and holiday clubs don’t come cheap, either . The average cost of a full-time nursery place in the UK is around £14,000 a year, which means Mummy and Daddy Pig are going to have to find a way to fund what’s essentially a second mortgage for another five years.
Talking of mortgages - interest rates are the lowest they’ve been since Liz Truss’s premiership, but inflationary pressures mean it’s looking less and less likely that rates will go down in 2025. Maybe Mummy and Daddy pig were banking on another rate cut before their four-year fixed term deal comes to an end - fingers crossed they’ve got a good mortgage broker!
And that’s before we’ve even come on to the deadening exhaustion of juggling multiple toddlers, a full-time job, no downtime and very little spare cash - Mummy and Daddy Pig seem thrilled to be adding to their little brood, but with parents spending more time actively parenting their children than ever before (studies show that parents spend twice as much time with their children now than they did 50 years ago), while juggling work, as a parent of a two-year-old and a five-year-old, I cannot picture a scenario where having a third child wouldn't just feel completely overwhelming. If I’m just about keeping my head above water now, that extra pressure would be like a boot on my head, pushing me under.
If you haven't already gleaned, this piece is dripping with facetiousness, but children’s tv shows work because they reflect the world children live in - and the families in the UK choosing to add a third child to their brood are becoming vanishingly rare. Perhaps that's why the third addition to Peppa Pigs family is being treated like breaking news today.
2023 date showed that fewer women are having fewer children than ever before. That year, the average number of children born to a woman in England and Wales dropped to 1.44, the lowest since records began in 1938, and most of the families I know who have three children are either extraordinarily well off, can afford to me a single-income family, or started early enough that they could spread out the intense cost of preschool childcare.
I could never imagine my life without my children in it, I love them intensely, but the thought of having any more of them fills me with panic - we live in a world that it less and less geared to families. Negotiating the economic, social and cultural climate of the UK right now with three or more children feels like the mother of all juggling acts to me - and certainly not for the faint-hearted.
Then again, Mummy Pig has proven time and time again that to me made of stern stuff - if anyone can wrangle three kids, a job and a slightly useless husband (sorry Daddy Pig Stans) and come out the other side unscathed, she can.
Rebecca Holman has been digital director at Grazia for the last five years, and previous to this, was editor of The Debrief, xoJane UK and Handbag.com. Her first book, BETA: Quiet Girls Can Run The World is available to buy now. Rebecca has written about dating, relationships, work, parenting, pop culture and feminism. She wears yoga leggings 88.5% of the time.