If I got a pound for every time a parent told me “I wish kids came with a manual”, I’d be sunning myself on a beach somewhere until lockdown eased. Alas, whether they’re babies, toddlers, or teenagers - children don’t come equipped with instructions. Being a parent and navigating the many unknown that it brings is physically, emotionally and mentally tough.
As both a paediatrician and a mum of two young kids, I believe that a lot of this stress comes from anxieties about our children’s health. The concerns over whether we are doing enough, too little, or the wrong thing start from the minute you find out you’re pregnant all the way through til their adult years.
It’s totally normal to worry about our children’s health. Acknowledging that these anxieties are there and valid is half the battle. You are not alone with these thoughts; every single loving parent shares similar concerns.
Over the last year, many parents will have found their anxiety heightened when it comes to their children’s health. Access to midwives, health visitors, GPs and even pediatricians has become increasingly difficult, meaning that many parents are having to deal with these stresses alone or use unreliable sources of information, which is more likely to feed the anxiety than ease it. To counter that, here are my top tips on managing anxiety around your child’s health.
Always trust your gut
If your instincts are telling you that something is wrong with your child’s health, act on it. Seek sensible advice as soon as possible. Don’t spend days or weeks dwelling on it, letting it keep you up at night. Ultimately, you know your child best and what their ‘normal’ is. If your gut is telling you that something’s wrong, there’s no harm in pushing for it to be taken seriously.
Knowledge is power
Most parental anxieties centre around what you should do in emergency situations. How to react to choking, burns and high fevers are concerns I hear from parents all the time. I cannot stress enough how useful a paediatric first aid course can be to help you feel prepared should any emergency situations occur. By teaching you how to safely handle emergencies, they give you a crucial feeling of control over the future. Find a local course in your area (or seek out one online if they’re currently closed) and take a top-up course every few years. Knowing how to act in worst case scenarios is your best armour.
Dr Google did not go to medical school
If you do have a health concern regarding your child, resist the temptation to put a list of their symptoms into google. It is very likely to spit out some generic stuff that is not specific to your child and is more likely to scare you rather than help. If you do go online, stick to official sites like www.nhs.uk or those affiliated to well-known hospitals such as https://www.gosh.nhs.uk/
It’s not a competition
Every child is different. All of the guidance healthcare staff give to parents in regard to the volume of milk babies need to drink, hours of sleep they should be getting, or even weight charts are a rough guide. So please don’t obsess about numbers. Look at your child instead of obsessing about hitting a target precisely; if they appear to be happy, growing and thriving, they are probably doing just that.
Get guidance before you panic
If you think your child is unwell or something’s causing concern, it can be easy to panic. Try not to. If it’s not an emergency, but you’re keen to speak to a professional, I’d recommend intermediary services. These include NHS 111 or apps like Juno, where you can speak to a trained professional quickly and get advice on next steps. Often, it’s nothing to worry about and the doctor or nurse can provide the peace of mind you need to calm down. It also saves an unnecessary trip to A&E or battling to get a GP appointment, which can add to your stress.
Don’t avoid A&E because of COVID-19
If you do think your child needs to go to A&E, please don’t create additional stress for yourself worrying about exposure to the virus. Our Paediatric A&E departments are separate to the adult departments, they are extremely clean and, by and large, currently very quiet. If you are concerned about your child, we are ready and waiting to help! Don’t let your fear of COVID-19 or being a burden on the NHS put you off seeking support in hospital settings. During the past year children are often being brought to us later and therefore sicker than they would have been if advice had been sought sooner. So if you, your GP, or an intermediary service believes a trip to A&E is needed, don’t hesitate to come.
Create a health-positive culture at home
Finally, try and create a household where open and honest dialogue about feelings, emotions and wellbeing is encouraged. As children’s lives start to become more separate, it helps enormously to have created an environment where they feel they can approach us with any anxieties they have about all aspects of their lives. This means parents can take comfort that their children will come to them about health issues or concerns. Alongside this, encourage your children to feel ownership and pride over their bodies. With that will come a sense of respect for their health, which will lead to them taking better long-term care of it - helping take some of the burden of responsibility for their overall health off your shoulders.
Dr Vicky Agunloye is the Senior Paediatric Registrar and clinical adviser for child health app Juno.