Sleep issues are not reserved for infants and toddlers, but can linger well into the school-going age bracket. If parents have reached the stage where their older child doesn’t sleep well, they may feel resigned to the situation - and it's true that the older the child is, the more difficult it may be to change ingrained sleep associations and expectations - but there is still much you can do.
The principles of healthy sleep practices can still be adopted, and your child’s sleep can always be improved. Of course some children are better sleepers than others, but all typically-developing children have the capacity to learn to fall asleep without a parent present, and stay asleep overnight.
The importance of quality, uninterrupted sleep for your child’s health and development should not be underestimated. Studies routinely demonstrate that sleep contributes to optimised learning and mental alertness, along with increased ability to retain and process information.
With children between 3-7 years of age, the challenges are typically either not being able to go to sleep easily at a reasonable time or not being able to stay asleep; and often parental presence is required either at the onset of sleep, overnight or both.
How much sleep does my child need?
Each child is unique and their sleep needs will vary but, within this variability, there are typical recommended amounts as agreed in the most recent research:
2-5 year olds need 10-13 hours
6-12 year olds need 9-12 hours
13-18 year olds need 8-10 hours
What is the best bedtime for my child?
Bedtime may be between 7pm-9.30pm, and waking from 6am onwards. But, in a lot of instances, 8pm onwards is simply too late, causing bedtime battles, frequent waking and shorter sleep duration. So consider an earlier bedtime, even temporarily, and consider their mood and behaviour in the evening to establish their natural bedtime
If you find that your child struggles to go to sleep much before 10pm and then sleeps late in the morning, you should consider waking them earlier in the morning in an effort to establish a regular age-relevant bedtime and an earlier wake time.
Sleep Strategies: Explain
Talk to your child about the changes that you intend to make. Do this during the daytime, on a walk or over lunch. Let your child be involved in the decisions to give them a sense of control over the situation. Ask for their input, suggestions, and own impressions of what they would like their bedtime to include. Then rearrange the bedroom together, or simply choose the books and pyjamas.
Relax
Establish a bedtime routine in your child’s bedroom. Allocate 20-30 minutes to help your child become quiet and relaxed, and to bridge the gap between the busy alertness of the day and sleep itself. Be creative and loving. A warm bath, gentle massage, stretching and relaxing exercises, or just cuddles and stories. Chat about the day and what you are looking forward to doing tomorrow. Consider meditations and deep breathing exercises for children if your child finds it difficult to switch off.
Be sure to have an ending to the bedtime routine. Bedtime works well if there is a clear beginning, middle and end. Complete the ritual with an 'I love you' ending or a conversation that encourages them to discuss what they loved today and what they are looking forward to tomorrow. Common issues here involve delaying tactics, or calling you back after you have left the room to say they're hungry, scared, not tired or need a drink or a wee. Try to meet the stalling strategies in advance and be mindful of giving into demands for extra drinks, toilet runs or one more story as they can quickly become a way of delaying bedtime.
With a bedtime routine that is focused - logical, linear, and even illustrated with a check list on the wall - you can set the scene for lights out and sleep time. You may even need a few expectation guidelines such as, once the lights go out, there is no talking. Communication is key so that you continue to help your child to feel seen, heard, connected, and belonging.
Environment
Make sure your child’s bedroom is a calm, safe place. Avoid too many distractions or stimulating activities in advance of sleep. Keep electronics and televisions out of the bedroom and restrict their use at least 1-2 hour before sleep time, as using gadgets close to sleep can make it difficult for your child to switch off. Spend lots of non-sleep time in the bedroom so that the room itself does not represent the big separation that is sleep.
Emotional Environment
Feeling safe, confident, and able to sleep without a parent may mean that extra work to ensure that your child feels safe and connected to you by day is observed. We are all doing our best and often, in the busyness of real life, our children may feel they do not see or get enough of you by day. Ensure you have quality one-to-one time that fosters a sense of love and availability to their emotional needs, as well as their physical needs.
Diet And Exercise
Outdoor exercise and fresh air are a significant component to healthy sleep, and at least one hour a day is the recommendation. Don’t do this too close to sleep time though, as that's when you need to be helping relax your child’s body, not stimulate it.
A hungry child will need sleep well, so they need three structured meals and plenty of water throughout the day. But avoid high sugar or processed food. Allow them time to digest before bedtime, although warm milk can help promote sleep.
Sleep Learning
With the above measures established, a sleep learning process like my stay and support method, may need to be implemented. If your child requires your presence, then working on phasing the parent out of the room gradually may be necessary. Children who go to sleep with a parent present are 50% more likely to wake in the night than a child who can achieve sleep themselves. Start by sitting beside the bed, rather than lying in the bed, and then follow the stages to sleep in my book The Baby Sleep Solution.
Expect a level of frustration as new practices are established, and support your child as they process the changes. If your issues involve bed sharing overnight then, after explaining that you are making changes, you need to help them learn to stay asleep in their bed. This is the tough part, as you yourself will be tired.
It can take many nights for this to improve but, if you have decided that learning to sleep without interruptions throughout the night is what is best for your family, it will be well worth the effort.
Lucy Wolfe is a sleep consultant and author of The Baby Sleep Solution and All About The Baby Sleep Solution__, and creator of 'Sleep Through', a natural sleep spray. She runs a sleep consulting practice and an online sleep course. Visit www.sleepmatters.ie or www.lucywolfesleepplans.com