If you are a pregnant woman looking for tips and advice about what to expect at each stage of your pregnancy, you might well turn to the NHS Start4Life guide. After all, there is so much contradictory and confusing information on the internet, the dependable authority of the NHS will be reassuringly sensible, right?
Well… this week women reading the online guide were shocked to see that, at week 22 of their pregnancy, they should be ‘making a fuss' of their partner who may be feeling ‘a bit overlooked’, and consider ‘cooking a special meal’ to help them feel better. The guide even provided ‘some tasty recipes you could try’, including fish and chips followed by a fruit crumble.
Anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that the last thing you generally feel like doing is cooking a fancy meal for dinner. Assuming you can hold down your lunch, you probably want to put your feet up after work, rather than succumbing to the endless pressure on women to ensure that everyone around them feels OK before they check in on themselves.
The NHS advice then went on to suggest that pregnant women ‘get help with household chores from your partner, family and friends’.
‘Help’ from your partner clearly suggests that this role is usually yours, and yours alone. Only in exceptional cases, such as dealing with pelvic girdle pain perhaps, can you ask for ‘help’ from the other adult that lives in your home.
This attitude is not only dated and sexist, but also extremely patronising towards fathers-to-be. Plenty of dads object to phrases like 'daddy daycare', or being told they are 'babysitting' when looking after their own children, and many of them did much of the cooking and/or housework anyway, even before their partner was pregnant. Of course I say many, not all, because stats show that women generally still do 60% more domestic labour than men. But how do we get this to change when our very own NHS continues to preach this sexist nonsense?
The response on social media was suitably outraged, with Joeli Brearley of campaign group Pregnant Then Screwed asking: 'Did we just timehop to the 1950s?’ Before going on to explain that ‘many dads and partners don't want to be reduced to a “helper”, they want to be equal partners in the raising of their kids. Wouldn't it be better to say: “if you don't have a partner who can do the housework, then ask for support from family and friends?”’
She went on to suggest: 'If your partner feels “overlooked” because you're pregnant, then they might want to consider paying for their own counselling.'
A Public Health England spokesperson commented on the advice: 'This wording is out of date and has now been changed. We recognise it is not appropriate and we apologise. We would encourage all pregnant women to seek help if they need it, both physically and emotionally.'
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