There’s an unspoken etiquette when it comes to visiting a new baby. Immediate family get to go first, no baby pictures on social media without permission, and never outstay your welcome. That last rule was ignored by one of our friends a few days after our second baby was born – he arrived at lunchtime and stayed for so long I ended up politely offering to make him dinner, before getting my husband to ask him to leave (we'd barely slept in days).
But the internet has slammed a couple for writing 'an unreasonable' set of rules for visitors hoping to come and meet their new baby. ‘So, I gave birth on Christmas Day [and] before my son’s birth and to lessen visits, my husband and I made a list in October and sent it out to everyone,’ wrote the 34-year-old mother on Reddit. She went on to ask whether she was within her rights to ask guests to follow the rules, which included:
-
Be up to date on ALL vaccines
-
If you feel sick, don't visit
-
Let us know a week beforehand so we can arrange a day/time
-
No smokers
-
No phone calls or visits between 7:30pm-10pm
-
You can only stay for one hour
-
No picking up the baby without consent
-
No advice
-
No perfume or deodorant
-
No is no - we won't explain why
-
No pictures to be taken or posted on social media
-
If you visit, the first time you will be expected to give mum (me) a gift card and a gift for the baby from our approved list
-
Before you ever come, no matter how many times, you will be given a list of either food or groceries to bring with you AND a chore from a list of your choosing
-
No more than two visits a week per person
The reddit mum then wrote: 'My sister-in-law studies in a different part of the country and is rarely home [and] asked to visit last week before she had to go back to school. So we set up a date with [a] link to our gift list than sent her the takeout we’d like, including the chores she can choose from. She immediately texted back saying she’s broke and can she do extra chores instead. Me and my husband talked about it and came to the decision that if we bent the rules for one person everyone would want the same treatment. We told her no that we were very clear about our rules and maybe next time she could visit.’
The new aunt left town, unable to meet her new nephew, and the mum went on to say she has since received multiple texts from her in-laws ‘belittling us for using our child as a cash grab’. 'My husband simply replied it was our rules and no one deserves special treatment then told his family they were on a time out and blocked them.
‘Since then, my family and our friends have told us we were wrong because she is a broke collage student, and they would have understood if we looked the other way once. We have tried reaching out to his sister, but she won’t reply.’
Followers of the thread could see why and quickly criticised the couple. 'Gift item and food? You had a baby, you can’t cook for yourself? I mean I understand friends VOLUNTEERING to bring a meal, but to demand food, gifts and a chore? Try having a toddler and a newborn, working full time. You both sound insufferable,' said one.
'Your rules went from 0 to 60. Like smoking and vaccines, yeah. But gift cards and chores? The entitlement is strong with this one,' said another 'Yeah, the "buy stuff for me" rules are really awful. I'm surprised there's people in the family actually abiding to this,' wrote another, while one user wrote: 'They expected a broke college student to bring a gift, gift card, and take out. Have they never heard of a delivery app? Also, her offer to do extra chores was completely reasonable. They are using their baby as a cash/chore/gift/food grab.’
While another simply commented: ‘No one will ever visit their house or see their newborn ever.’
So, what do you think? Were the parents right, or unreasonable?