Yes, you read that correctly. Sexual wellness brand Smile Makers have partnered with Mumsnet to produce the first vibrator 'inspired, designed and created by mothers, for mothers'.
Before you roll your eyes and ask ‘why do mothers need a different vibrator?’, this is not one of those instances where a product like a pen is repackaged in pink and sold as ‘for women’. New mothers actually do have different needs from a sex toy, depending on many factors, including how their body has changed after childbirth.
Cecile Gasnault is brand director Smile Makers. She tells me that the sexual wellness industry has grown considerably and become more accessible in recent years, yet there continues to be a taboo when it comes to helping mothers reconnect with themselves in a sexual way.
‘We teamed up with Mumsnet because we always prefer to ground our work in real people’s insights,’ she says. ‘We led a focus group with members of the Mumsnet community to better understand the main challenges that new mums face when it comes to resuming sexual activity after childbirth. To dive deeper and validate findings from the focus group, we extended the research with a three month-long survey on Mumsnet.’
They soon realised that most mothers would prefer a clitoral toy to a penetrative one. ‘Many shared that tiredness, lack of time and nervousness around penetrative sex were barriers to resuming sexual activity,’ she explains. ‘And we wanted to address concerns regarding scar tissue and vulva sensitivity, which is why we chose to use a very smooth and flexible silicone, to create a gentle touch versus something that feels hard.’
The ‘Whisperer’ name was also crowdsourced from both Smile Makers and Mumsnet’s communities.
It would be easy for a cynic to say that a sex toy company might partner with Mumsnet as a gimmick, but opening up the conversation around sex after childbirth is important. ‘80% of respondents in our survey found that they couldn’t easily find relevant information about reconnecting with themselves after giving birth,’ continues Cecile. ‘We want to bring mothers’ sexuality into the open!’
Another key finding of the survey was that new mothers feel that pregnancy and birth has affected their confidence, sometimes making them feel like they’re in a body that isn’t their own. New mums describe feeling like their identity has changed, and they sometimes feel like their bodies exist solely to serve the needs of others.
‘Many report feeling scared of sex - particularly penetrative sex - following childbirth,’ says Cecile. ‘For some, this fear is a worry that things will feel different, either for themselves or for their partner. Whereas others say their fear is because they have an association with sex and pain following birth. Some say that they’ve found lubrication helps significantly, but others are too worried to engage in penetrative sex regularly.’
Clio Wood is a sex expert and author of Get Your Mojo Back: Sex, Pleasure and Intimacy After Birth. ‘Postnatally it can take a while to recover sensitivity in the vagina or vulva and also around the lower abdomen, particularly if you've had a caesarean birth,’ she explains. ‘Conversely these areas can also be hyper-sensitive, especially if you have scarring. The idea of sex can be daunting and you may not want to even think about penetration for a little while - after all you've probably just hoofed a baby out of there - so a non-penetrative vibrator is a really great way to introduce sensations gradually and non-threateningly.'
She explains that clitoral vibrators are relatively new in the gamut of sex toys, and have blossomed in recent years with the proliferation of female-led sex toy companies. ‘But the scooped tip of the Whisperer - shaped to the clitoris - is new, and could make a difference to the sensation,’ she continues. ‘I always encourage self-pleasure as a great way to start to think about sex again after birth, and our own fingers know our bodies best! But one more tool in the sexual wellbeing toolbox is useful so, if you choose to add to yours, this looks like it could be a great option.’
7 out of 10 new mothers surveyed said their partner is more interested in sex than they are
What advice would Cecile give to women who are struggling to regain their sexual mojo after having kids? ‘First, be kind with yourself,’ she says. ‘Stress and lack of sleep have a negative impact on many things, including libido, so it is perfectly normal that they might not feel as keen to resume sex as their partners. In the survey, 7 out of 10 said their partner is more interested than they are, and 4 out of 5 say that they’re more interested in connection and intimacy than sex itself. So why not start by creating micro moments of intimacy, like cuddling, a long kiss, or even just asking each other about your day before sleeping.’
‘Second,’ she continues, ‘masturbation might be a way to gently reconnect with pleasure, without the pressure that partner sex might put on you. It gives space to rediscover your body. If that feels unappealing because your sex drive is low, touching your body with intention - for example when applying body moisturiser - is a first step to rediscovering your sensual self.’
And finally? 'Our survey with Mumsnet showed that almost a third of mums have listened to, read or watched some erotica. Why not see if that tickles your imagination?’
The Whisperer will retail at £34.95 and will be available to buy from 1 February at SmileMakerscollection.com, and Beauty Bay for one month exclusively, before being rolled out across other retailers