When Rebel Wilson announced the birth of her daughter via surrogate last week she wrote in her Instagram caption of motherhood: ‘I am learning quickly…’ Sadly, it took only one week for her to quickly learn just how frequently mothers are torn down and judged online.
Just a few days ago fans gushed at how happy they were for Rebel below a gorgeous picture of baby Royce Lillian. Then over the weekend, the actor and new mum posted a photograph and video of her out dancing at Paris Hilton’s launch party, for Paris’ virtual realm Paris World in Santa Monica, along with her partner Ramona Agruma. This time the post was met with a barrage of criticism.
‘Ummm sorry, didn’t you just get given a baby this week? So confused right now. This is the most important time to bond with your baby. Not party,’ sneered one.
‘I wonder if the surrogate is out partying yet? I’m sure she’s at home healing and waiting for milk to stop coming through’ wrote another.
‘I sure as heck wouldn’t have left my newborn to go partying the week she was born,’ a third wrote.
They go on and on and on - because when you’re a mother many seem to think judging you is fair game. Justification lies in it being in the interest of a child, they believe. What they really mean is: I did it this way so you should too.
There’s a huge guilt culture around parenting, which often sees mothers most at blame. Would a father be criticised in the same way if he was out a week after having a baby? It seems unlikely considering many men are expected to be back at their desks two weeks later because most employers only offer a fortnight’s paternity leave.
Meanwhile, mothers are made to feel judged over whether they choose to breastfeed, when they return to work, whether it’s too soon to wear a certain item of clothing or if they go out and briefly leave their child. For women in the public eye like Rebel, this judgement will be magnified on an unimaginable scale.
For all we know, Rebel only popped out for an hour to celebrate her friend because, while parenthood is undoubtedly important, so is maintaining relationships and supporting a friend’s launch. Whether she stayed for an hour or longer is her decision to make; she’s the one who knows her baby and what’s going on at home.
We must remember, no one else knows the thinking behind certain decisions: you might think giving a three-year-old sweets is wrong, not realising it’s the only thing getting a single mum through a long journey with her child.
And if a negative comment is made with a baby’s best interests in mind, then those who openly judge forget the toll it can have on a new mother. Do they think of the baby when that mother feels so alone and debilitated with worry because they’ve been torn to shreds online that they’re now struggling to look after their child?
Parenthood is challenging enough without worrying if the world is going to judge you for your decisions. Parents should be allowed to do what instinctively feels right, and that’s not going to be the same for any two families.
Rebel will be experiencing many firsts right now. Let’s hope this is her first and last run in with the judgemental parent police. We need to stop tearing new mothers down.