As a mother of three children under the age of five, and the owner of a business, life is enjoyable, but of course, it’s chaotic. It’s been that way for a long time, and I’ve learned to make peace with how it is and embrace it. I’m working on compartmentalising things: when I’m with the children at the weekend, I’m not on my emails. In the week, I’m working on building a business. I try and navigate my way through, but I’m still figuring things out. I don’t have the answers yet, and I don’t know if anyone does or ever will.
Recently, life has been full of transitions. I’m one year postpartum and I think my body is still regulating itself. As women, I think we’re more equipped to lean into life’s transitions, whether it’s related to friendships, work, or relationships, because we have a natural cycle. After I gave birth, I thought: ‘oh my god, women are amazing.’ That goes for women who aren’t mothers too. Generally, all women are incredible and when they come together, they can do powerful things. We need to support each other and help each other out - it’s so important.
In terms of matrescence, the transition to becoming a mother, it’s so important to remember that everyone’s journeys are different. What works for one person might not work for the other. I could have a twin sister, we could be pregnant at the same time, and we could have completely different experiences of pregnancy.
For example, I noticed a shift going from one child to two. One felt quite straightforward but having two children close together felt like more of a logistical challenge. There are some things that I can keep from the first and second-time round, like my Tommee Tippee Natural Start Bottles. I just know that staples like that will always come in handy, and I've definitely found products and tricks that work that I'll always stick with. However, I found myself thinking: how do I dress two people? I think I lost some confidence in understanding how someone does these things. Being a mother of three has been amazing, although I wouldn’t even say it’s a juggle having three children and a business – I’d say it’s just really full on.
When you’ve got children and you don’t feel great, you’re not sure what it is – whether it’s being pregnant, feeling depressed or the fact that there’s lots to do.
Everybody has different challenges in their life, whether it’s related to motherhood or not. I had antenatal depression while I was pregnant with my third child. When you’ve got children and you don’t feel great, you’re not sure what it is – whether it’s being pregnant, feeling a bit depressed or the fact that there’s lots to do. It’s quite hard to separate out those feelings, but I did feel really down in those days. It’s a transition I’m still going through, and every day is different.
I found that time was the best healer – that and speaking to people around me. As someone who is chatty and outgoing, there are points when it does feel lonely. Antenatal depression is a solitary experience because you’re the one carrying the baby. It’s what’s so lovely about the mother and baby bond, but it can also be isolating. Whether it’s reaching out to people in your NCT group or finding people in your local area on the Peanut app, speaking to people who have gone through similar things is really helpful.
That’s why it’s so important for me to be as authentic as possible on Instagram. I love Instagram as tool for business and growing communities, but you don’t always get the full picture. I posted about my experiences with matrescence and antenatal depression on Instagram and received hundreds of messages of support from other women going through similar things. But I wasn’t surprised at the number of messages I received. The transition into motherhood doesn't really get much airtime. It's just back to work we go.
If I had more hours in the day, I’d love to campaign for how we can modernise the school syllabus around women and pregnancy. I had no idea my periods would be ten times worse after having a baby. I had no idea I’d feel so hormonal and burst out crying at the most ridiculous thing. I had no idea that it takes two years postpartum to get your body back. When I was at school, I thought menopause was something that happens to women much later in life, however we can go though menopause much earlier that I was ever taught at school.
Men should be taught about the gender pay gap. Men will still (and I am not sure if that will ever change) get further ahead in their careers and have a different clock to a woman (biologically and just genral house in the day), because women pick up the slack mentally and physically. My husband is absolutely amazing, he is awlays there for me and the kids - he does so much for us all, but I still feel like I carry round the mental load and worrying about the kids 24/7.
Someone once said to me that if you look out to the sea and it was continually flat all the time, then it wouldn’t be very interesting. You need the waves, and you need the stillness. I think it’s the same with life. Motherhood is great - it's taught me so many lessons on love and life, but it's not always easy. My aim with my children is that when they grow up, Jon and are are people they actively want to hang out with, spent time chatting too, and we are all close confidants in life.
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