Should You Feel Guilty About Your Kids’ Screen Time?

No! But tech journalist and author of Screen Time Becca Caddy says there are some things you can do to help ease your concerns.

Guilt kids' screen time

by Becca Caddy |
Updated on

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It’s official. Everyone has been spending more time on their screens since lockdown restrictions were introduced.

A report from Ofcom in April 2020 found the average time most UK adults spent online each day rose by at least half an hour compared to 2019.

We don’t have similar data about how much time children and teens have been spending online over the past year yet. But considering many have been using their devices for remote learning and chatting with friends, my best guess is screen time has increased dramatically for them too.

This begs the question: should parents feel guilty about how much time their kids are spending staring at screens? The short answer is no.

Experts have been telling us that judging how children use technology is about much more than time spent on screens for years. Even vocal advocates for reducing tech time have changed their views recently too.

With that in mind, I think we can all agree the last thing both parents and kids need right now is strict rules and unrealistic expectations – we’re all doing our best to make it through a pandemic, remember. So, instead, let’s aim for a bit more balance.

Talk about active and passive tech time

Forget about tech time limits. What your kids are using their devices for is more important.

Studies show actively using screens – like picking up a device to learn, play a game or create something – is better for general well-being than passively scrolling through social media or watching video after video on YouTube or TikTok.

One way to help children spot the difference is to label these two types of online activities together. You could go one step further and ask how they feel when they’ve created something on their tablet compared to how they feel after they’ve watched videos back-to-back for half an hour. We could all do with switching-on to how our tech habits make us feel – the sooner kids can learn that the better.

Encourage kids to connect with their friends

Kids are cut off from their routines, school days and friends. If they want to spend more time than usual on video calls, singing duets on Smule, creating videos for TikTok, or just sending messages, let them.

If you cut down the time they spend interacting with friends when their in-person interactions are at an all-time low, you risk isolating them. Studies have shown that too much time on tech can have a negative effect on the well-being of teens, but take it away completely and they can feel even worse – this is known as the Goldilocks hypothesis.

Agree on ‘texpectations’ as a family

The way you and everyone else in your family uses tech is important. For example, you can’t expect your youngest to stop using their phone if your eldest is on theirs all day long and the same applies to your scrolling habits too. After all, research has found that a parent’s use of screens is often directly correlated with how their children use theirs.

But you don’t need to lock your phone away to set a good example. Instead, studies have shown that to avoid conflict around tech use – whether you’re a family of two or ten – expectations need to be shared by everyone.

Talk about what rules (if any) apply across the whole family, like what tech time is important and what can wait until after dinner? These honest conversations make everyone feel equal and valued. They also build trust and ownership around tech habits too.

Adjust your screen time vs. family time mindset

More than anything, let go of the guilt and unrealistic expectations about what ‘good’ family time should look like – this is worth reminding yourself regularly, but especially right now. Banish screens, impose too many rules and set strict screen-free standards and you miss out on all the connection, fun, joy and play they can bring your kids too. You don’t have to push screens away to keep your family close – promise.

Becca Caddy is the author of Screen Time

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