Jake Quickenden: The Challenges Of A First-Time Dad

'When my son Leo was born, I often felt like I wasn’t needed as much and was overwhelmed by this newfound level of responsibility.'

Jake Quickenden son dad

by Jake Quickenden |
Updated on

There’s something truly special about becoming a parent, especially a first-time dad – there's an abundance of new beginnings and adventures to be had. However, the first few weeks of parenthood are undeniably challenging, with a lot of responsibilities, and admittedly sometimes, it can impact your physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.

Many dads seem to question their abilities as fathers as soon as their baby is born, often feeling overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. When my son Leo was born, I often felt like I wasn’t needed as much as Sophie (Leo’s mum) and was overwhelmed by this newfound level of responsibility as his father. That’s when my mental health took a toll, as I thought my son didn’t like me as much as his mum...

There’s simply no manual to becoming a parent. As we’re spending more time online, we’re trying to juggle finding every parenting tip and trick in the book, whilst being constantly exposed to other parenting styles which vary from parent-to-parent and that have evolved through generations. We often, as dads, put too much pressure on ourselves to be there for our partners and get things right. Finding our own routine with our baby is key, as well as trying to make ourselves fully available for whatever our partner or child needs. We also need to strike a balance with making time for ourselves to unwind, which your partner will understand as well, whether that’s the gym, a long dog walk, fishing, taking a bath and listening to Celine Dion (yes, dads take baths too!), or reading a book.

Often, the challenges that being a new parent brings are overlooked and the Johnson’s Baby, ‘A Parent Is Born’ docuseries showcases this extremely well. The four-part series follows eight families around the UK who have taken a different path to get to where they are today. A Parent Is Born provides a platform for new parents – completely free of judgement and filters – and it was a relief to know that I wasn’t alone in how I was feeling as a dad when Leo was first born.  I remember, when Leo was born, I felt a bit helpless and unneeded. I wanted to be doing something so that he knew I cared as much as Sophie. That’s where I struggled – I didn’t know where to start. The first film, which was released in May 2023, really speaks to the challenges of becoming a parent for the first time, the realities of modern parenting and ignites a supportive conversation that all new parents can be a part of – it’s truly inspiring.

Many of us will be celebrating our very first Father’s Day this year - a huge milestone for any new dad. It’s a day which celebrates our achievements; from nappy disasters (trust me, I’ve had a fair few with Leo, to the point I wore a swimming cap and peg on my nose!) to giving our partners time to unwind from baby. My relationship with my son is wonderful and we’ve since crafted our bedtime routine to help us bond - which usually includes a back massage with Johnson’s Baby Bedtime Lotion (Leo loves it!) and an occasional poke in the eye…

I love Leo so much, he’s the best kid in the world and I want us to develop a relationship where he is my best friend, whilst still maintaining the boundaries as father and son. My dad was my best friend growing up and whenever he tried to tell me right from wrong, I used to laugh in his face - so there is a very fine line with boundaries - and a whole lot more to learn!

Sadly, my dad isn’t here with us anymore, and not having him here to celebrate does make me sentimental on Father’s Day. I know that I’m not the only one whose dad is no longer with us, but when you become a parent you tend to focus more on the present, and Leo helps me to do that. To help take my mind off things, we usually go for a long walk as a family spending time away from our phones to completely decompress and enjoy the moment.

Knowing that there are other parents who are also experiencing the new world of parenting, who are riding both the highs and lows, for the first time is comforting - you’re not alone. Enjoy every single second of the baby stage, it’s beautiful.

The first film from the A Parent is Born docuseries is available here

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