According to the latest studies, almost half of children being raised in single parent homes (which accounts for almost a quarter of all families in the UK) are living in poverty. But why are they being so badly failed by the system, and is it actually possible to raise a family on one income? Co-author of new book How To Be A Happy Single Parent Rebecca Cox, explores.
As the cost of living crisis intensifies, it is becoming increasingly challenging to run a household on one income. Parking, for a moment, the sheer lunacy of being in an economic situation so dire that to live, yes, to simply exist, is becoming too expensive for many, let’s be clear about the impact of this on children being raised in single parent homes. Almost half of children in lone parent households are living in relative poverty, and with three million single parent families in the UK, that means that at least 1.5 million children in the UK are being impacted by this. So, if you are one of the three million parents raising kids alone, how can you cope?
In writing our book, my co-author, founder of Frolo Zoë Desmond and I, interviewed a host of single parents in a variety of set-ups, as well as Natalye-Marrie Boyce - financial freedom coach and founder of The Lone Parent. She emphasises the importance of financial independence being the first and most important goal for single parents. ‘To be financially independent is to be self-sufficient,’ she told us. ‘And that should be something single parents should be striving for with a tunnel vision attitude.’
We also spoke to single mum and best-selling author of Get Divorced, Be Happy, Helen Thorn, who told us that facing your financial fears head on is key. ‘Taking control of finances is a really big thing. I had an ex who said “You don’t need a pension, I’ll always look after you” or “You don’t need to worry about money, we have a joint account”. I didn’t really have my own bank account, you know, all those sort of things… I never used to open my bank statements. And now I sit down, face them and budget to make sure I’ve got enough money.’
Natalye-Marrie says that dealing with the urgent matters first is key: ‘You need to think about building an emergency fund, clearing those high-interest debts such as the credit cards, overdrafts, store cards and payday loans.’ And the next step is budgeting. ‘Living below your means is important, and it won’t be achievable until you put a budget in place. Unfortunately, people want to bypass budgeting, which is probably one of the main causes of them running out of money before their next pay hits their account. Most people’s financial problems are due to spending, not income.’
But what if your financial issues are due to your income? What if you simply can’t make the numbers add up? Firstly, remember that financial adjustments might be necessary if you’re shifting from a two-person to one-person home. Is a big house with a garden more important than a safe and happy living environment for your children? No. Do the kids need branded clothes, shop-bought snacks and expensive gadgets to be healthy and loved? No.
Secondly, there are support systems in place that you should not hesitate to lean on if you need them. Here are a few avenues to explore:
Child Benefit
Child Benefit is a tax-free payment available to anyone responsible for a child under the age of 16 (or under 20 if they are still in education or training). It can be claimed regardless of income, though if you earn more than £50,000 per year you may need to repay some or all of it via a tax charge. https://www.gov.uk/child-benefit
Universal Credit
This means-tested government support payment has replaced most other government finance schemes and is available to all those on low incomes or those unable to work. https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit
**Council Tax Reduction
**You may be entitled to a single person council tax reduction on your home as the sole head of a family, too. https://www.gov.uk/apply-council-tax-reduction
Free School Meals
Families on low incomes, including low-income single parent families, may be eligible for free school meals for kids. Knowing your child has access to at least one nutritious meal a day at school can be an enormous relief to many parents. https://www.gov.uk/apply-free-school-meals
Child Maintenance Service
If your child’s other parent is unwilling to financially contribute to their upbringing, you may be able to seek support payments via the CMS.https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service
From 2024, the free childcare entitlement will increase and you already may be entitled to a reduction in childcare costs via a tax-free childcare account or childcare vouchers.
Ultimately, there will be financial sacrifices and adjustments needed to make life as a single parent affordable, whatever your situation. But one last point to make is that the economic hardship faced by single parents is one element of the shame and stigma that can still be attached to the label of ‘single parent’. If this is impacting you, please know this: there is absolutely nothing shameful about being a single parent, whether raising kids alone was your choice or not. Creating an economic environment where it is almost impossible to run a household on one income, meaning that in two-parent households both parents are forced into the workplace and away from their children, and lone parents are often juggling multiple jobs to make ends meet, is infinitely more shameful. Relying on outdated stereotypes and conflating economic and moral superiority to support these economic policies is shameful. If you need extra support to raise your children in a safe and happy home, there is no shame in receiving it.
Being a single parent to one or more children is a privilege, and a life that can be precious, blessed and most importantly, contented. Your children deserve to feel safe and loved, and you deserve to be happy.
How To Be A Happy Single Parent, by Rebecca Cox & Zoë Desmond, a positive and practical guide book to building a life that works for you and your kids, is out now.