Andrew Tate has become the figurehead for misogyny, and rightfully so - his rhetoric is abhorrent. That he has swept across social media and into the ears of young people across the UK is baffling, because he seems to be so outlandish and outdated that you would expect him to be laughed at, not listened to. Instead, he has been heard, saved and forwarded into DM’s across the UK, and the ripple effect has been notable.
However, whilst his social media reign isn’t over, we need to be careful not to focus on him so much that we miss the noise outside of Tate. The people that youngsters are actually influenced by today.
When you ask 13-year-old boys about Andrew Tate, the answers are not what you’d expect because while the media continually reports on his crimes and adults worry about the ‘Tate effect’ in reality, only a handful of boys have any interest in him today. In fact, what boys have said to me is:
'He’s so 3 years ago.'
'He’s a criminal, and not even good at that.'
'Sits around smoking cigars, drinking whiskey and living in a bunker. That’s my grandad's dream, not mine.'
'He pretends he’s a fighter. Misfits boxers actually get in the ring.'
'Nobody listens to him. But adults think we do. That’s how he stays relevant with adults. It’s quite clever.'
'He just shouts. That’s not entertaining or funny.'
There is no denying that he is problematic. His reach has hit disenfranchised men and given them a comforting narrative, spawning others following a similar playbook. But what is clear, working in this space, is that his influence on young boys is waning. So, who are they listening to? Who comes up often?
And all of the Sidemen
And be honest, how much do you know about each of these, negative or positive?
One boy summed it up well when he said 'There are 1000s of people to follow. Depends what game you play, the sport you like or what you are interested in. But everyone likes prank videos.'
Maybe we, as parents, are being pranked by our own presumptions. Curiosity goes a long way, and this is bigger than one individual, and we need to be mindful that the world of influence goes much further than the rhetoric of one bad egg.
So what CAN we do? How can we stay on top of many influencers, not just the one that we have been talking about.
As parents, it's important to start getting comfortable about having open and relaxed conversations about your children's interests and the things they do online. Approach with curiosity and a desire to learn, as these everyday routine little conversations inform and build up a picture, and your children might even come to tell you more.
You can expand that curiosity into learning why your children like certain games, apps or influencers, helping you explore their online landscape and what they mean to them. You can also explore how this changes over time.
Being aware what is popular with children is important. Other parents will have insights, and organisations like the NSPCC and Ofcom have useful resources. It’s also valuable to understand the tools we can use, such as online safety settings, parental and privacy controls and access to apps.
Creating shared boundaries on screen tips, device use, and platform rules gives children a chance to advocate for themselves, feel part of the decision-making process, but allow guardrails that you can ensure are in place. These can be reviewed and adjusted over time.
And most importantly, we can never keep ourselves up to date on all the latest trends, developments and characters online. But what we can do is foster critical thinking in our children, getting them to be curious about what they see, question what is true, understand why privacy is valuable and what to do if something is inappropriate.
And in many ways, this starts with being humble enough to know we are all on a digital literacy journey, and we can learn from the very children we care for, we might not be the experts, but we are their parents and in this brave new world - we can learn from each other.
Lee Chambers is a business psychologist, and the founder of Male Allies UK and Essentialise Workplace Wellbeing.