Social media can be the most amazing place to connect with other mums, especially during the pandemic. But it can also be a daunting place because feeds can be filled with picture-perfect portrayals of motherhood, which don’t always reflect our own reality.
It’s hard not to internalise that and compare yourself to other mums who might be having a really great day. I found this particularly tough at the beginning when I was breastfeeding and I saw women in all these amazing positions, making it look easy.
As I go through this journey, I’m learning not to compare my lows to anyone else’s highs. And this is why I’m so proud to be a part of Elvie’s #TheRealFeed campaign, which encourages women to share real images and stories about breastfeeding and parenthood, using the hashtag.
In doing so, we’re creating a place for parents to look for a dose of reality because, while there are amazing highs, there are also challenges. I’ve been massaging a lumpy boob all morning and that’s the reality. The more realness we see, the better, and that’s why I want to see all your #TheRealFeed stories come through on Instagram.
But for those who may be struggling or feeling like they’re not living up to the images they’re seeing online, this is how I manage the pressure that social media can sometimes create:
1. Don’t compare someone else’s win to your loss
We all have days where we’re winning and days where we feel like we’re not. It’s very easy to take a picture when things are going well and put it out there for the world to see - and that’s great! The highs should be celebrated. But everyone has highs and lows, so if you’re having a bad day, try not to compare your low to someone else’s high.
2. If someone’s content is making you feel bad, unfollow them
You don’t owe it to anyone to follow them. You don’t have to tell them you dislike what they’re putting out, but if it’s making you feel bad, then it’s completely your choice to mute or unfollow them. And I really recommend following people who make you smile - I love following Kate Lawler, The Birds Papaya, Own it Babe and Chessie King, who is pregnant and brings a lot of joy to my Instagram feed.
3. Remember babies aren’t good or bad, they’re just different
Some sleep a lot, some don’t. Some take to the boob really well, and some don’t. So try not to compare how well another baby is sleeping or feeding with your own, and don’t take that as a sign about whether your parenting is good or bad.
4. Stay offline when you’re feeling vulnerable
This is an important one. If I’m feeling a little bit vulnerable or I’m feeling low and I go online, I know I’m going to compare myself to everyone. When we’re at our best, it doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing, but when we’re at our lowest, it’s really easy to feel like a failure. So don’t put yourself in that position - switch off and focus your attention on things that make you feel better.
5. Remind yourself that Instagram is not reality
It’s a feed of the highlights, and we all need a bit of good news these days. Babies are constantly changing and what might be great one day, might not be great another day so try not to read too much into what you see online.
Ashley James is working with Elvie on #TheRealFeed campaign to challenge the notion of ‘picture perfect’ parenting. Share your stories using #TheRealFeed on Instagram to be a part of the movement.