As the mum of a 14-year-old, I often think about the amount of time she spends on her smartphone and what she’s doing on it. But I didn’t expect that concern to shine a light on an uncomfortable truth about myself – I’m addicted to my phone.
I'm ashamed to admit this, even though, according to a 2023 YouGov poll, 41% of adults in Britain think they use their phones too much. Still, I knew I had to implement a scrolling ban in my household.
Before the ban, looking at my phone would be the first thing I’d do every morning and the last thing I’d do every night. I’d sit mindlessly scrolling social media for hours every day. My phone accompanied everywhere – even to the loo – and my hand would automatically reach for my device if I was in a queue or during a TV ad break.
How could I expect my kids to develop a healthy relationship with their phone, if I didn’t have one? As a parent, I know how important modelling good behaviour is, yet here I was, literally providing a blueprint on smartphone addiction to my kids.
Recently I spoke with medical podcaster Dr Rangan Chatterjee on the subject of social media and technology, and his response has stayed with me since. He said, ‘The way we introduce technology to children, including smartphones is probably the most urgent pressing societal issue out there.’ He explained that there’s already evidence to show using smartphones too much, especially during the evenings, has a short term impact on focus and concentration.
A study done by University of York on the recent Channel 4 docuseries Swiped: The School That Banned Smartphones found that making a group of 12-year-olds give up their smartphones for three weeks already led to positive changes, including a full hour of extra rest each night, mood improvements (the children reported a 17% reduction in feelings related to depression and an 18% reduction in feelings related to anxiety) and activity levels (there was a 30-minute increase in the amount of time the children were physically active).
My plan for a smartphone ban was simple – any time we were at home, our smartphones would be placed in the kitchen by the charging point. If we needed to use our phone for any useful reason (my teen might need to check a homework deadline or message a friend about meeting to catch the bus to school whereas I might need to check work emails or put something in my calendar) then we could. There was no ban on using our phones. But we wouldn’t be able to just sit on the sofa with them or carry them around the house.
My suggestion didn’t go down well. My husband wasn’t keen, saying he used scrolling time to decompress after a stressful day at work. My 14-year-old was hugely unhappy and shared that she was worried it would impact her friendships if she wasn’t replying to messages quickly. But both reluctantly agreed to try it out, to see what impact it might have.
To begin with, we all found the ban hard. I’d walk into the kitchen to find my teen standing by the charging point, scrolling, so I’d distract her by asking her to help me with something. For the first few evenings, I’d be sitting watching TV and my hand would twitch to the side of me, at the ad break, expecting there to be a phone to pick up and check. It was surprisingly tough to sit there without the added distraction of my phone.
I realised early on that I’d need to put some new things in place – since I was no longer taking my phone to bed each night, I had to dig out an old alarm clock to wake us up (although, really, with six-year-old twins who wake at 5.45am every morning, did I need to bother?)
We’re now a month into our scrolling ban and the benefits have been huge. I’ve got so much more headspace than before and it’s given me a sense of balance. It feels like I’m in control of the information I’m receiving rather than being controlled by it. If I’m in the kitchen, making a cup of tea, I’ll nearly always either complete a quick task on my phone or check messages and emails but it’s usually a quick look and then I move onto doing something else.
I’m no longer refreshing my inbox and social media constantly. I know that the posts, WhatsApp messages and work emails will all still be there when I next pick up my phone. Clinical psychologist Dr Martha Deiros Collado, author of How to Be The Grown-Up (£16.99, Bantam Press), says this is called using your smartphone with intention. ‘Ask yourself: Is what I am about to do meaningful to me? Does it have a useful purpose to my life? Is it necessary to do it on my phone? Does it have to be done right here, right now?’ she says.
Another huge benefit I’ve noticed is that I’m reading so much more. If my six-year-olds are playing or watching some TV, I’ll sit and read. Likewise, where I used to scroll before bed, now I read my book.
I’m also more available to my kids – after all a book is less absorbing than the entire internet and my whole email inbox – and I’ve got more time to do quick tasks around the home because that time isn’t being sucked away by the scroll.
While the ban has got easier, for all of us, it’s an ongoing effort to keep all of us in check. Interestingly, Dr Martha thinks our ban is quite a severe way of reaching a balance with phones. She suggests working towards setting boundaries of when and where they can be used in the home.
She’s right, I think. While the ban has been a vital reset for all of us, it’s probably not sustainable long term. So the next step is probably dialling it back a bit with phones going into the kitchen at 5pm to allow for a post-work and school decompressing scroll.