As the ancient proverb goes, you’ve got just as many hours in the day as Beyonce - unless, of course, you have kids. And a normal job. And no fleet of staff anticipating your every need and whim.
It’s fair to say that squeezing in exercise as a busy parent can be a challenge. Sure, they (sometimes) sleep and (sometimes) go to school or nursery, but, you generally have to get them there, and then fit in work and life. Plus, even if you have the logistical bit nailed, there’s everything else - if you’re battered and bruised by motherhood, whether physically, emotionally or both, there are loads of reasons why leaping out of bed and straight into your ASICS can feel impossible.
I know this because I have two of the buggers. They’re eight and (almost) six and I’ve been working up a sweat on the regular since they were four and two. Before that, I spent 30-odd years thinking exercise was weird and gross; now I appear to have made it my personality - I even write a newsletter on fitness, running and body image called Keep It Up Fatty!, my way of reclaiming what some idiots in a white van shouted at me when I first got into running. I followed their kind advice, and am signed up for London Marathon this April - and the bit I’m most worried about is not the small matter of running 26 miles, but fitting all those long training runs around family life. I know it will be hard but, over the last few years, I’ve found a few ways to successfully prioritise fitness without making my family hate me.
It’s hard to talk about this stuff without sounding massively smug - especially when we’ve all got our own challenges, from inflexible jobs to inflexible knees - but I promise none of my advice is as patronising as 'just get off the bus a stop early!' I know all too well that if you get off the bus a stop early, you might miss nursery pick-up and be charged £10 for every second of lateness.
Whether you were a fitness junkie before kids or, like me, you’ve never exercised before but now feel weirdly compelled to get strong and fit, I hope you can find some useful or inspiring takeaways…
Work on the inside out
If you’ve been through pregnancy and childbirth in the last few months or even years, chances are your body feels a bit different these days, and suddenly going hell for leather at a HIIT class is the last thing it needs.
Simone Muller is a postnatal rehabilitation specialist and mum of two who helps women sort out common issues like diastasis recti and pelvic floor weakness via her online Re-Centre classes. As a former Royal Ballet School dancer, her own experiences of trying to get back into exercise after childbirth made her realise women needed serious help. 'I remember going to a buggy fitness class after my first and at some point the instructor said "If you want to try running you can, but only if your pelvic floor feels OK"' she recalls. 'It felt like a really loaded statement - how do I know if I haven’t yet run? What’s going to happen if I risk it? I didn’t wet myself but the amount of fear I felt wasn’t great, and it didn’t seem like the right way to go about things.'
Simone trained in Hypopressives, a breathing technique that brings strength and coordination back to the deep core and pelvic floor while improving posture. 'It’s what those lucky mums in France learn at their 10 free postnatal physio sessions!' she says. 'Re-centre was born out of the desire to share this information in an accessible way, to put mums back together, so that leg-crossing to sneeze and Tena pads don’t come into the conversation.'
Even if you haven’t suffered any major postnatal health issues, gentle forms of exercise like yoga, Pilates, swimming and even walking - as well as remembering those pelvic floor exercises - can be a great way to get some strength, not to mention confidence, back before embarking on anything more strenuous. You might have found pregnancy and birth a breeze, but you still housed a human - your body needs some love!
Plan, plan, plan
Once your bits are taken care of, you’re hopefully feeling like your body can exercise - but how do you actually fit it into your life? I personally cannot achieve anything whatsoever unless I have a schedule to… well, not necessarily stick to, but at least try to follow loosely. For me, it all started with Couch To 5K, and now I try and self-impose the same sort of structure by planning out my runs and gym classes and slapping the schedule on the wall where it cannot be ignored.
This works on a few levels - there’s nothing like a pretty pastel wall planner to give me a suffocating sense of accountability, but it also means my family can see what I have planned ahead of time. I’ve found that my kids object way less to me nipping off for a run first thing if they know it’s coming. Otherwise they’ve been known to barricade the door and wail “DON’T GO MUMMEEEEEEEE!” while I stretch my hamstrings.
Planning ahead and writing it down to make it official also means that exercise is a non-negotiable, like a work meeting or doctor’s appointment.
Make it something to look forward to
If you can afford a mega-fancy-pants gym membership that means you get to relax in a jacuzzi after working out, all while your kids are being entertained in the on-site creche by chirpy 20-somethings with a first class degree in FUN, you are winning at life.
For everyone else, you might need to get a bit more creative to make exercise something to look forward to. I have a few tried and tested techniques: you might know about parkrun, the free community 5K runs (and walks) that take place all over the country at 9am on a Saturday. I go most weeks, but if ever I am wavering - which is often down to one G&T too many during a boozy Friday night playdate - I make sure I pick one where I know I can get a good coffee and pain au chocolat afterwards.
Gyms can be intimidating, especially if you’re not feeling amazing about your body, but finding somewhere to go where the vibes are good and the meatheads are conspicuous by their absence really helps. I’ve just started going to brilliant strength classes at a bijou fitness studio called Mindfit which, get this, doesn’t even have mirrors. It feels like the antithesis of the aesthetic-obsessed Instagram fitness culture that can make us nervous about exercising in public, and I find myself actively excited to attend ( you can always check out your arse in the comfort of your own home afterwards if you fancy).
It’s hard to disregard aesthetics completely though, which is why having decent kit to wear can also make a huge difference - leggings that you actually feel good in and want to wear, rather than holey old maternity ones, can give you more confidence to get out there and work those squats. And hey, the more you exercise, the better cost per wear you get for any Sweaty Betty splurges.
Making playlists, firing up a favourite podcast or, if you’re a fan of the dreadmill, even watching Netflix while you toil can also make the whole thing feel less arduous before the addiction kicks in.
Exercise with them - but only if you want to
The good news is, there are now tons of ways you can exercise with your kids. I love doing junior parkrun with my 8-year-old - it gets us up and out on a Sunday morning rather than being glued to Minecraft videos (he binges on those afterwards, obvs), and it means that being active is a normal part of life. Plus, for those with little ones, there are loads of 'bring your baby' options these days, from yoga to boot camps. It’s a great way to get active and meet people while still mumming.
But while being a role model for your kids is obviously wonderful, remember that going to exercise by yourself does this too, if you’re able to. After all, your mental fitness is arguably more important than your physical health, and there’s nothing like a bit of freedom to get your brain feeling fresh. Kids are lovely but they have a way of consuming your entire body and mind - it’s no coincidence that I started exercising in lockdown when they were suddenly there ALL THE TIME.
Even if you can only carve out 45 minutes a week to go for a run or do a gym class, it’s not just you who will reap the benefits - I am a way more patient and less shouty mum when I’ve had my fix of endorphins. If you have a partner, it’s important that they get this too - which might mean also making sure they get to carve out time to indulge their football obsession or disappear on irritatingly long bike rides too.
Immerse yourself
OK, so you don’t need to go as fitness-bonkers as me by starting a flipping newsletter about it, but I do find that consuming lots of fitness content really helps reaffirm that I Am Someone Who Exercises.
You want to curate your fitness community carefully though - ignore anyone who genuinely thinks that we all have the same hours in a day as Beyonce. I love following inspiring but relatable fellow mums like This Woman Lifts (aka Elizabeth, a sharp, cynical and excellently potty-mouthed fitness coach), who says things like 'Please stop suggesting that mums get their workouts in by "simply" getting up before their kids without first checking 1. What time their kids get up, 2. How many times they are up in the night with their kids and 3. The other shit they have to get done before their kids get up.'
I also love influencer Emily Clarkson and her fitness community The Have A Gos because it’s all just normal women, of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and abilities, getting their fitness kicks when they can, and encouraging other women to do the same. Having a quick scroll of this sort of stuff does a great job for my mindset before a run.
Poring over my stats on apps like Strava or just via my Garmin watch also feeds the addiction - I’m not competent enough at running to be competitive with anyone other than myself, but I do get a little thrill when I get a PB. And my son now has his very own kids Fitbit which means we can compare step-counts at the end of each day (he usually wins, but it’s because his legs are shorter, right?).
Most importantly, remember you are NOT selfish
One of the biggest barriers to exercise for mums? GUILT! Going and doing something for ourselves, when we could be reading stories or dispensing cuddles, can be killer - especially if our darling offspring like to protest about us going out, whether it’s a baby crying when they see us leave the room or an 8-year-old sulking because we didn’t do the school run two days in a row.
While it’s true that 'you can’t pour from an empty cup', it’s also true that you have to actually want to prioritise exercise to make yourself do it. You might say you don’t have time, and an annoying fitness influencer might say that you could find the time if you truly wanted to - which means you then have something else to feel guilty about.
The fact is, if your priority right now is spending time with your family, or staring at the telly all evening because kids and work and life have eaten your soul, then that’s fine too. There are different kinds of self-care, and exercise is just one of them. But when you are ready to give a new fitness routine a whirl, try not to feel bad about it: it kind of defeats the object.