The Christmas holidays are often seen as an opportunity to spend more time with family and friends. There can be a certain pressure for it to feel like the most ‘magical’ time of year; especially for children.
But, for newly separated parents, this season can pose unique challenges in navigating shared responsibilities whilst still trying to ensure a harmonious celebration for the family. As the festive season approaches, we take a look at what positive co-parenting looks like over Christmas, and how newly separated parents can navigate this time of year. Jennifer Moore, Legal Director at Rayden Solicitors who specialises in child contact and custody disputes, has shared her insights to help those co-parenting over Christmas for the first time to cope with shifting dynamics and avoid potential festive feuds.
Keep The 'Grown-Up Talk' Out Of Earshot
It’s known that exposing children to parental conflict is not in their best interest, and is potentially harmful to their mental health. Research conducted by Dr. Irwin Sandler in 2013 revealed that conflict between parents poses the greatest risk for harm to children - not the divorce itself. With this in mind, it’s extremely important to work through any conflict together without involving your child where you can.
Seek Support Through Mediation
Communication difficulties can often obstruct effective co-parenting dynamics. In these instances, involving a neutral third party, whether through mediation or family therapy, can play a huge part in bridging differences and helping to establish cohesive parenting principles. It’s very important to implement consistency in rules and boundaries, especially concerning holiday traditions during this time of year.
Not only will this be beneficial to you as the parents, but it can also significantly contribute to a sense of stability for your child or children.
Implement A 'Parenting Plan'
A parenting plan will help enormously when it comes to navigating parental roles and responsibilities. It will provide clarity and structure for everyone, and this will be particularly beneficial for the child or children, especially during the festive season. It’s likely that over Christmas, both parents will want to make plans and spend time with their child or children; so arrangements must be confirmed to allow each parent to organise activities, days out and trips without causing any unnecessary friction over the festive season.
To do this, ensure that you’re using organised communication methods. We'd recommend apps like OurFamilyWizard which are really helpful for aligning calendars and schedules.
Beyond The Festivities: Considering The Long-Term
If the separation is new and the children are young, there will be many years, potentially decades, to navigate, as co-parents. Effective co-parenting hinges on maintaining healthy communication methods with your ex, so it’s really important to consider each interaction with your ex so that you have your child's well-being in mind.
Dr. Seb Thompson, a Clinical Psychologist at Cygnet Health Care, has provided further insight into the impact of the parental relationship on a child's emotional well-being: 'One of the core psychological needs of any child is to feel loved, accepted and safe. People who co-parent are ultimately the child’s primary attachment figures and are the people that the child will look for to provide that safe, nurturing and validating environment in which they can grow and thrive. Should there be difficulties in that relationship the child must know that they are not the cause of these difficulties and that they ultimately feel loved by both of the co-parents.'
What Does The Law Say?
All individuals with Parental Responsibility, which is usually both parents, should agree on the important decisions in a child’s life. This means that significant decisions in a child's life, including what time they might spend with each parent over the festive period, must be a decision you make together.
If either of you disagrees and feels unable to come to a compromise, either parent can make an application to the Court for an Order to define what time the children shall spend with each parent and to address specific issues that are causing tension.
The consideration of the Court will remain the welfare of the child. So, factors like the child's wishes, emotional and physical needs, potential changes in circumstances, and each parent's capability to meet those needs will be very carefully considered.
As the festive season draws near, it's imperative to ensure that those experiencing co-parenting for the first time over the holidays prioritise the well-being of their children. However, huge importance also lies in being patient with yourself whilst navigating this new terrain.
Jennifer Moore is Legal Director at Rayden Solicitors. She has over 10 years of experience practising exclusively in Family Law. She advises and represents individuals going through divorce or separation, or seeking to resolve disputes concerning their children. This includes child contact/custody disputes, disagreements over schooling/school fees, foreign travel and relocation.