Sexism in the workplace takes many forms, from structural inequalities like the gender pay gap, to overt instances of harassment or intimidation. But it can also be even more insidious than this, embedded so deeply within our culture that it impacts the language we use. The fact that this particular brand of sexism is so normalised makes it all the more difficult to spot.
Our research at Applied shows that the words we use at work matter: women are 50% less likely to apply to roles if they’re advertised using masculine-coded words like ‘ambitious’ or ‘rockstar’.
If a single charged word can deter an otherwise qualified woman from pursuing their next role, what kind of impact is the vocabulary we’ve created to describe motherhood having on women’s careers?
The ‘motherhood penalty’ is well documented. But the way the seemingly innocuous phrases we use to describe motherhood can fuel everyday sexism is less discussed.
Here are five phrases associated with motherhood that we could all do with hearing a lot less.
Baby brain
This is a common phrase which reinforces the idea that women are less competent in their roles while pregnant (and as new mums).
Pregnancy and motherhood affects all women differently and, of course, some will experience a degree of brain fog or forgetfulness. But to attribute any and every issue to ‘baby brain’ does extremely capable women a disservice. People make mistakes every day and for all kinds of reasons. It’s an association that needs overhauling.
Moreover, when we downplay the very real impact that new parenthood can have on our working lives, we let employers off the hook. Dismissing things like extreme exhaustion as 'baby brain' prevents us from accessing the kind of support we might need as new parents. Whether it's flexible hours or support with childcare costs, we need to let go of stereotypes and start having meaningful conversations about supporting parents at work.
Office Mum
This one can be used with real warmth (and is likely bound up with a huge amount of respect) to refer to someone trustworthy, caring and dependable in a senior position at your company. But ultimately, it reflects the outdated idea that women should become communal mothers and take responsibility for everyone's well being, while likely having their own needs ignored.
Familiarity and friendship in the workplace can be great; but informal roles like this can diminish a woman’s professional identity. On top of the day job, she’s expected to 'mother' colleagues. This kind of emotional labour takes its toll and no doubt has an effect on workloads and career advancement.
Do you have an “Office Dad”? Let’s face it, it’s less likely.
Mum Mode
Another incredibly common one – I’m pretty sure I say it myself.
While most of us will have professional and private versions of ourselves, this unhelpful phrase suggests that being a mum should be separated from 'work mode’. For some parents, compartmentalising their “work” self and their “parent” self is a tool that helps them focus. But if this isn’t how you operate, the pressure to be different people at different times can be exhausting. Being at work shouldn’t mean you need to leave parenthood entirely at home – and being a mother shouldn’t mean your commitment to your work is up for debate.
Working mothers have unique skills, experiences, and perspectives that can bring huge benefits to the workplace. I’d love to see a future where women are actively encouraged to bring their full self (yes, that includes the skills and experiences they have gained as a mother) to work.
It’s also worth noting that ‘parent-mode’ hasn’t caught on. The actions and tasks associated with ‘mum-mode’ are still typically assigned to women.
Mum Guilt
Working mothers can’t seem to get away from this one. These days it’s often used as an empowering way to tell women they have nothing to feel guilty about, but its very existence reinforces the idea that guilt is the default position for mothers who have other commitments, too.
Everyone’s situation is different. But what’s universal is that every parent needs to have a life outside of their family - whether that means taking time to socialise, exercise or go to work. The idea that guilt is bound up with doing things for yourself as a parent is unhelpful. And why does nobody ever talk about “Dad Guilt”?
Many women end up feeling guilty for feeling guilty – or for feeling no guilt at all. I’d quite happily see this phrase abandoned entirely. It reinforces the binary idea that work, social lives and motherhood don’t mix well; an idea we’ve long needed to overcome.
Work From Home Mum
This seems to be a new one rearing its head, similar to when 'stay-at-home Mum’ became a loaded term used to put down women who chose to spend more time with their children when they were little. Prompted by the widespread takeup of flexible working, some of the discourse surrounding mothers who work from home implies that their input is inferior to their in-office peers. But mothers who work from home are doing just that: working.
I’ve heard it said that the prevalence of remote working means issues like childcare costs are no longer urgent. The logic seems to be: if mothers are at home, they can care for their children. It’s a dismissive attitude that devalues the huge role women play in the workforce; and the valuable work that they’re doing when they are working from home.
And those who think that working from home eliminates the need for better childcare support have clearly never tried to meet a tight deadline with a 6-month-old in tow.
It's time to cut the cute...
We all need to remember how the language we use can undermine a woman’s professional position, detract from her achievements, downplay the impacts of juggling work and parenthood; and generally make the workplace harder for new parents to navigate.
But, because of how harmless, normalised, and even ‘cutesy’ these phrases seem on the surface, they can be so much harder to root out and call out.
Next time you hear one of these phrases (or even go to use one yourself), think about what the ‘cute’ is concealing; and preferably say something else.
Khyati Sundaram is CEO of debiased hiring experts Applied