Last week brought us the winner of least surprising headline of the year/millennium – ‘Working mothers are 40% more stressed’ than anyone else. No kidding. As I write this, my four-month-old is crying through the monitor and my four-year-old is ransacking the cupboard next to me, searching for a colouring book that has ‘pictures of people with legs’. (It seems we have finally reached ‘peak mermaid’ in this house.) Meanwhile, my six-year-old daughter is asking to read what I’m writing and, because I’m reluctant to break the news that being a working mum can sometimes be a whole shit-heap of stress, I tell her it’s just a silly story and shut my laptop.
Oh, the irony. Academics at Essex University have examined the biological data of more than 6,000 women and found that chronic stress levels among those working full-time with one child are 18% higher than among child-free working women – this figure rose to 40% among women with two children. Finally, we have scientific data to back up what many of us already knew and have the wrinkles to prove: that racing the clock on a daily basis to make it from work to nursery (often with a delayed train chucked in for the lols) is not for the faint-hearted.
I tried it with two children, a husband who worked away a lot and a great job on this magazine; reluctantly, I threw in the towel after 18 months to go freelance. Why? All sorts of reasons: double drop-offs, rushed bath times, murderous thoughts about my fellow commuters, laundry overwhelm, missing my kids, getting home to find we were out of milk (and often dinner) again, and the realisation that a leisurely wee had become a weekends-only pleasure.
My income has shrunk, I miss my colleagues and I suffer frequent pangs of career anxiety, but I think this is the best fit for me – for us – for now. I was extremely lucky to have the choice to opt out of a full-time job. According to the study, working less is the only thing that reduces mothers’ chronic stress levels, but this is no solution whatsoever for millions of women across the UK who have to work long hours to make ends meet.
So what’s the answer? As we’re frankly all too stressed to have a crack at dismantling capitalism right now, we’re going to need to look elsewhere. Conveniently, you can start with the person you share a sofa with. The fact is that, for many mothers, once the day job is over and the kids have been tucked into bed, another job begins. The pay is zero and the to-do list is tedious. Small things – play dates, kids’ parties, outgrown uniform – but as someone who once burst into tears in Victoria station over a forgotten school assembly, let me tell you that it adds up. (It had been a long week.) The Office for National Statistics found that women do around 40% more of the household chores and childcare than men. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
So if there’s two of you, insist on a job share when it comes to that stuff. According to science, it’s our best hope of reducing the working-mother stress gap – and one day our daughters will thank us for it. (If you’re a single parent, you’re a hero and we don’t need data or professors to tell us that.)