How do you persuade someone that a thing is not their fault? How do you convince them not to feel guilty – not to examine what they should’ve done differently? Especially when the highest authority in the land is insisting they are to blame.
This week, Megan Clark, a 19-year-old rape survivor spoke at length to the BBC about her controversial case. It’s possible you remember it; she was raped in Manchester by a man she met in Burger King when she was drunk. Depressingly for the 85,000 women raped every year in England and Wales, that’s not the memorable part. The memorable part came afterwards, when the female judge in her court case made a speech, informing women everywhere that they shouldn’t drink so much because they were putting themselves in danger from predatory men.
Break here for a big, sad sigh. Because, yet again, of course the message is that women are the ones who should take responsibility for men raping them.
And here’s the extra sad layer to the story. During Megan’s interview on Monday, she said she believed the judge had given ‘good advice’, adding, ‘She was right in what she said… I felt I put myself in that situation. I need to be more careful.’ It was in the context of a wider conversation, and I’m not here to tell survivors how to feel about their own experience. Blaming yourself in situations like this is the most common reaction to an attack, so I understand where she’s coming from. And when you already feel the needle of what-if gnawing at you, and then a person in a position of authority – one specifically tasked with protecting and helping you – comes out and fucking agrees with your self-blame, what are you meant to think?
It’s the same old depressing, reductive argument about victim shaming. The trouble with asking women to change their behaviour or do something about their own vulnerability, is that it has no end point. Don’t get drunk, don’t wear a skirt, don’t walk home alone, definitely don’t or definitely do wear headphones, don’t look men in the eye, don’t be smaller and weaker. I’m 5ft2in – my closest friends are all over 5ft8in – which means I am naturally more vulnerable than them. I am nature’s equivalent of walking around tipsy. So, what should I do about the fact that I’m vulnerable? Should I avoid all men in case they’re unable to control themselves? Should I not go outside because there are predators out there? At least I’ll be allowed to get drunk and wear my slutty clothes if I’m indoors, right? Oh, but wait. Most rapes and abuse are perpetrated by people we know, so they might be indoors with me.
Darn.
A reminder from Women’s Aid Chief Executive Polly Neate: ‘We must stop blaming women for men's violence. The reality is, whatever you wear and however you behave is irrelevant to whether you become a victim of violence. It's dangerous to give women a false idea that they can make themselves safe. It also tells men that they can get away with abusing women. If we want to prevent violence, men have to get the message that they are responsible for their actions and will be held to account by the criminal justice system. Only perpetrators of abuse are to blame for abuse, and only rapists are to blame for rape.’
But that’s where we come to the bigger problem emerging with people in positions of authority, who are getting violence against women so very wrong. Another horrifying news story this week detailed the domestic abuse by a cricketer, who beat his wife with a bat, poured bleach down her throat, and tried to force feed her pills, telling her to kill herself. Can you imagine anything more horrendous? And yet, at a hearing in Manchester Crown Court, Judge Richard Mansell decided that the attacker – despite admitting he did it – shouldn’t go to jail. He told the court he was not convinced that the victim was ‘a vulnerable person’, because – wait for it – she is ‘an intelligent woman with a network of friends’. So, instead of prison, the judge sent this man to a workshop called ‘Building better relationships', ordered him to pay £1,000 costs, and said he was banned from contacting the victim.
Oh, wait, so now we need to be more vulnerable to get justice? I’m confused.
I can’t blame stupidity. Presumably these judges are highly educated people, so let’s be generous and call it ignorance. But either way, it’s pandemic. This same week, over in Italy, a judge threw out a rape case because, apparently, the victim didn’t scream enough. In Canada, a couple of weeks ago, a judge was forced to resign after asking a rape victim why she could not just keep her ‘knees together’ to prevent being sexual assaulted. Last week, a teenager called Shana Grice was found dead in East Sussex, her throat slit, because police didn’t take her complaints seriously about an ex-boyfriend stalking her. In fact, they fined her for wasting their time.
These are the people we ask to look after us. To make sure we are OK. The fact that they’re the ones getting violence against women so wrong is devastating. Polly Neate adds, ‘The messages that surround us are very powerful. They tell us over and over that women should behave in a certain way in order to avoid being raped, instead of putting the responsibility on rapists themselves. Judges are not immune to these ideas. It’s not surprising that they fail to understand. What's worrying is that the problem isn't seen as serious enough to take judges in hand, giving more training, and ensuring it never happens again. Until that happens, women can't be confident of getting justice.’
Follow Lucy Vine on Twitter @lecv
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