Congratulations, you're pregnant But be prepared because along with the delights of pregnancy (morning sickness, that waddle when you walk) comes the relentless advice, comments and stranger tummy rubs. It really is such a special time.
Yes, ok I know we are bringing new life into the world and everyone is mega happy for us but there are some things that you should just never, ever say to a pregnant lady. As someone in the know, I feel it’s my duty to tell you, dear public, what these things are…
1. So, are you pregnant?
Cringy if you're not and happen to just be PMT-bloated/ just had a Big Mac for lunch and if you’re in the first trimester and hasn’t told anyone yet it’s just awkward. To be safe, just don’t ask (Unless the lady has a Baby on Board badge and wants your seat on the tube).
2. Is it twins?
Say what? It might well be but with only 1.5% of births being twins, the odds aren't looking good. Big bumps usually are just that, 'cause there's a mini human growing there. If said preggars lady responds with a ‘no’ you’ve basically just called her huge.
3. I think your tummy looks too small/flat/high/low to be pregnant.
Oh sorry, I didn't realise my bump was public property but please do enlighten me with your opinion on my bump size and shape.
4. Not long to go now!
Oh, really? I hadn’t thought about it.
5. So you’re having a baby. Sleep now before the baby comes won't you?!
Yep I would if I could get comfortable, curb my night hunger and stop weeing for Great Britain. Thanks for the advice though!
6. When are you having the next one?
Now, this is usually said a mere few weeks after when you feel like a zombie, haven’t showered and still haven’t figured out how to get this new human to ‘latch on’ You do not want an answer to this question right now so just keep on moving along…