Things You Only Know If You Live In South London

We're a bit obsessed with BBC Three's new reality TV show South Side Story. Here's why South London's the best.


by Jess Commons |
Published on

There's more going on than just chicken shops thanks

Not entirely sure why people seem so fixated on this concept. While we do have our fair share of places serving delicious fried chicken, there's also like a billion other things to get excited about from Brixton Market, Peckham's nightlife, Camberwell, New Cross and Lewisham in Turkish restaurants, Brockwell's park and lido, the dinosaurs in Crystal Palace....

East London at night is only do-able in big groups with money for taxis

Getting there is easy enough, especially if you live in South East (thanks Overground with your 1970’s colour palette!) but heading back? Oh nononononono. Sure seventeen night busses and three hours later you might be somewhere in the vincinity of home but are you really going to be awake enough by that point the guarantee you won’t fall asleep and end up in Morden? Nah.

In fact, you become a bus person

Brixton to New Cross? As the crow flies (because the kind of antiquitated language we hip young upstarts at the Debrief use) it’s barely a distance worth mentioning. But the time spent on busses to cover it? You could be halfway to India. Luckily, that Bakerloo Line extension should sort everything right out. Roll on 2030.

You will defend it to the death

This North/South divide isn't exactly helped by the fact that none of your friends who live North have ever bothered to come to yours; it's as if their journey down south is much more treacherous than yours up north. On the off chance they DO come down though, they'll probably say something along the lines of 'Oh it's not actually that bad' at which point you will reel off your much-practised list of reasons as to why yes, they've been wrong all these years ('ACTUALLY IT'S ONLY 25 MINUTES TO CENTRAL VIA LONDON BRIDGE') when really, they couldn't give a damn in the first place.

Borough Market is for mugs

Literally the only reason anyone from up north (London) has ever bothered to cross the Thames. This tourist hotspot has great food and thousands and thousands of European camera wielders that you’ll need to fight to the death to get anywhere near it. Instead, you spend your weekends at your local market which might take place in a car park but do sell the best darn kale with the shortest ever line this side of Whole Foods.

North Londoners will steal your houses and not even be grateful

Anyone with any dealings with people over the age of 30 will have no doubt heard the phrase ‘Well we’d like to have bought in Hackney but we just couldn’t afford it! So now we’re having to look South East.’ Look sister, what might not be ideal for you is perfect for us and your ability to get yourself on the property ladder means that by the time we get round to it, a two bedroom flat in Brixton will be £9,000,000. SO sorry you had to ‘settle’

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Follow Jess on Twitter @JessCommons

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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