Just married? Congrats! Now comes the inevitable bump back to reality. While this is a truly lovely time for you and your new spouse, there are a few things no-one ever tells you about the newlywed phase...
You will take ages to do thank-you cards. What? You need time to write 130 heartfelt messages of thanks.
People will ask you "do you feel different"? You probably won't.
If you've changed your name, you'll realise it's actually a massive ball-ache. It's not just your passport you have to change. Set aside an entire month for this hell to begin.
4. You'll see your new name pop up on Facebook, get confused, and be like - who the heck is this? So will all your friends.
Saying 'my husband' or 'wife' will feel weird and alien in your mouth. But it's still 100% better than 'fiance', which always makes you sound like a douchebag.
Getting your wedding list delivered (if you had one) will literally be better than your wedding day and honeymoon combined. PRESENTS. SO MANY PRESENTS.
You'll laugh at all the dumb things you argued over when planning the wedding. Like those lavender burlap napkins and mason jar favours no-one gave two f***ks about.
Your parents will keep saying "What are we going to do NOW"?!
You'll do your back in carting all those bridal mags you bought to the recycling bin. You'll mentally tot up how much you spent on them and feel a bit sick.
When your other friends get engaged, you'll try REALLY HARD not to be a wedding know-it-all - and probably fail.
You'll be a bit sad you're not the centre of attention any more - then you'll instantly get over it when you see how your diary is free from the shackles of wedmin.
Tumbleweeds will blow across your Pinterest board.
Getting your wedding photos will be absolutely amazing - but you will spend half the time worrying about your 'fat arm' in that one photo.
Then you'll get over it when you see how happy you look in all the pics.
You'll wish you got a wedding video. Unless you did, in which case you'll be so broke, but smug.
If you were on a crazy wedding diet, you will realise that was a totally mad idea and rediscover your love affair with doughnuts and pints of wine.
You will have an awkward encounter with someone who was drunk and inappropriate at your wedding.
You will watch Don't Tell The Bride with a new feeling of wisdom. And shows like Married At First Sight will make you ANGRY.
You will become a wedding day bore at work - saying 'when I got married' as a reference to literally anything that happens.
You will no longer treat other people's weddings as fact-finding missions. And enjoy them for what they are - an excuse to celebrate love and get drunk with your friends in the daytime.
You will be penniless. Weddings and honeymoons are expensive. You will be forced into the 'honeymoon period' because you literally can't afford to go out. but it will still be wonderful.
You will look at your new spouse asleep in bed at least three times in the first week and think "OmigodImmarriedthatperson". In a nice way of course.
People will start asking you when you're having kids...you will want to stab them with a fork.