Hey guys, not sure if you noticed but notorious wallflower Rihanna had a birthday last week. The super-private popstar shared a few selective snaps of her celebrating doing a whole bunch of normal birthday activities like frolicking in the snow in a bikini with her close family of 11.9 million Instagram followers. It was an intimate affair.
What freaked us out the most though, is that RiRi’s only 26. 26! LOOK at everything she’s done. The most we’d achieved by the time we turned 26 was successfully keeping the neighbour’s cat alive when they went on holiday for the week. On top of this, there also seems to be a steep rise in the 'Things To Do Before You're (insert whatever age here)' lists making the rounds on the internet. None of which seem to be achievable. Talk about age shaming. So we made ourselves an anti-list of things it's OK if you haven't done by the time you reach RiRi's age. Mainly to make ourselves feel better. If you've done any of the stuff below then you're doing better than us. If you haven't, welcome to the club. We'll be alright. Promise.
**Know What You Want To Do With Your Life
**We know 40 year olds with less clue about the rest of their life than we have. Things are much more fun when you don’t plan.
Having A Skincare Regime
High five to everyone that managed to take ten minutes to wipe their eyeliner off last night. But toner? Night cream? Day cream? Who’s got time? Not us.
Bought An 'Investment' Handbag/Pair of shoes/Dress
Srsly? Even the cheapest designer handbags start at £500. Have you ever had a spare £500 just lying around to ‘treat yourself’ with? Instead, give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back that you’ve got this far in life without losing the contents of your house to bailiffs.
Loved And Lost A Great Love
Although it would mean that whole 2 year fandango with that total wankjob had a point after all. Equally though whether you’re still with the same guy you met at 15 or whether you haven't dated anyone for more than a month, we know you’re smart enough to figure this relationship malarkey out for yourself, with or without heartbreak.
Travelled The World
Turns out 9-5 jobs don’t take kindly to taking three months off work to hike in the Andes. Neither does our bank balance.
**Find Your 'Happy Weight'
**Aside from the fact that ‘happy weight’ is the most offensive term to ever have existed ever, bring us one woman that’s over the moon about what she looks like naked and we’ll give you a prize. Learn which bits are your best bits and own them. That’s the way to do it.
Save Some Money
Sure, let me just call my bank manager for my Swiss offshore account. I’d like to transfer the £2.50 I have left over after I paid my rent into a high-interest earning ISA please. Ta.
**
Eat Dinner In A Restaurant Alone
**Sure, if you’re on the way out to meet people and you fancy something more substantial than a Pret sandwich, but sitting alone to prove a point? Bit weird that.
**
Earn Your Age In Salary
**Would have been on track for this a few years back, if we didn’t keep getting older.
**Pay Off Your Student Loan
**Ha. Ha hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Ha. Good one.
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.