Three guys from Melbourne have made HeroBoyfriend, an app that supposedly helps men be better at relationships via fun gift ideas, interesting date plans, and generally reminding them how to be thoughtful towards their girlfriends. I mean, really? I totally understand the niche - sometimes people take their partners for granted - but, apart from the fact that girlfriends can 'neglect' their boyfriends just as much (If I don't buy my boyfriend dinner or tell him his beard looks especially illustrious every now and again, he feels it) so why is it HeroBOYFRIEND, are we really so bad at communicating that we need an app to remind us to be nice to people we're supposed to love? Oh lord it's depressing.
The app was created after Dan Groch from Melbourne got dumped by his girlfriend of 12 years for neglecting her needs. 'I took pride on doting on her, surprising her with flowers and weekend trips away with little love letters and handmade gifts. We talked about getting married, buying a house, having a baby,' he told the MailOnline. 'But unfortunately those things always took a backseat to my aspirations, my career and my drive for personal growth.’
He joined forces with two mates to create the app, which is personalised to each user and makes sure they always do the little things to keep their partner happy. Not wanting to destroy Dan Groch's dreams or anything, but there's something incredibly depressing about needing an app to be nice to your girlfriend. Depressing because it means conducting human relationships via an app on your phone is now a viable option, and depressing because of the way it strengthens the male stereotype of being a bit shit at relationships because they can't think of nice presents, don't put their girlfriend's first, and generally neglect their needs because they're too busy down the pub being bloody lads.
Can you imagine if there was a HeroGirlfriend? We'd be exploding with rage. It'd probably include things like alarms for when to start the dinner before he arrives. Quizzes and games to do on your phone while his mates are round and he's having proper conversations. Different laughs to try out whenever he tells a joke. Football sentences to say when conversation runs dry.
Bad communication is the number one reason couples break up - according to a survey of 100 mental health professionals - and while it's admirable to try and figure out ways technology could help this obvious issue, something reminding a guy to buy his girlfriend flowers is hardly building a bond. At least, not between the boyfriend and his girlfriend. If anything, it becomes more like clockwork, less romantic, less meaningul when your phone is telling you to do it. Your phone tells you when you have a meeting with Jan from accounts, and when you have to wake up in the morning. Not when to compliment someone on how nice their eyes are.
And this is coming from someone whose boyfriend once said 'I don't understand the point of weekends away' and, when he's working on a job, occasionally forgets I exist unless I run around naked yelling 'IF WE DON'T BONK I'LL EXPLODE' (this doesn't happen, I'm exaggerating for comic effect, but it's not far off). Thing is, we talk about it, and so when he decided to book a weekend away last month, it was all the more special because he'd reached the decision himself rather than an alarm going off on his iPhone.
Please can we all just tell our partners if they're not giving us what we need. Please? Because we are humans with mouths and ears and if your relationship is genuinely predicated on an app telling you how to show you love someone, then you are truly lost. Throw it away, pack a fucking picnic or something, and go snog your girlfriend under a tree. See, that was a good suggestion wasn't it? And it didn't take me any planning, coding, or launching. I just got the thought directly out of my brain! I'm a genius.
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Picture: Matilda Hill-Jenkins
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.