This weekend, the great British exodus commences. According the stats, TWO MILLION Brits leave the country this weekend with Spain being the most popular getaway destination. That’s nearly 3 % of everyone living here, pissing off on a weeklong trip of jollies.
If, like us you’re going to spend this weekend in lovely old Britain then you’re going to find yourself very very alone. Here’s how to not go mad in your solitude.
Get desperate
You know that friend who you're rubbish at texting back to because you're a terrible person? Now you’ve found yourself friendless for a weekend, perhaps it’s time to reconnect with that once special someone. I mean, if they’ve got any sense about them they’ll tell you to hit the road you fickle cow, but there’s the odd chance they might be up for grabbing a few drinks with you and, who knows, perhaps they might even end up being a real time friend rather than a part time friend. Not that you deserve it.
Leave the house
There’s nothing like the weighty depression felt by someone who’s spent an entire 48 hours in bed watching crap TV to give you the Monday morning heebie jeebies. We’re not talking like ‘Oh I spent a few hours on the couch slobbing out’, we’re talking about commitment to an entire season of The OC, sans shower, sans sleep and sans food that’s not synthetic cheese based. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is worth the complete and utter self loathing you’ll feel when you find a cheese puff down your bra half way through your Monday morning meeting.
Don't stress about life admin
If there's one thing we've learned about 26 years of procrastination it's that setting a date when you have to do stuff by is nothing but stressful. If you plan that this weekend is the one where you're going to sit yourself down, finally pay that EDF energy bill, figure out how to do a tax return and write a letter to your granny then you're going to stress the fuck out, not do any of them and feel even worse about yourself come Sunday night. Instead, take the attitude that if you do them; great, if not; meh, not a big deal. I mean it is, especially when the bailiffs come knocking but there's no use ruining your already miserable and friendless weekend over stuff like that is there?
Get off Twitter
Of *course *this is the weekend when everyone you follow on Twitter is out in the pub doing really fun stuff and you're stuck at home with a serious case of FOMO. Riddle me this though, on those ace nights out where you've come back with a strong feeling that the most fun you're ever going to have in life has just been had, how many times did you pause to post on Twitter during it? Not once. Chances are, everyone's just as bored as you so chill out.
Have a drink
You learned early on that if you ever find yourself drinking alone you're bascially one step away from being dragged Kristen from The OC style into the nearest rehab centre. But, seeing as the weather's all nice and stuff and you're all alone, and you can't quite muster up the courage to head to the beer garden with a glass of wine and a good book even though those old men do it in Weatherspoons every morning at 10AM, no-one's going to kill you for knocking back a couple of ciders on your balcony during the day. As long as you didn't read the word 'cider' as 'absinthe' in that last sentence then we don't have a problem on our hand. If you did then erm, good luck with that?
Follow Jess on Twitter @jess_commons
Picture: Ada Hamza
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.