How To Survive This Fucking Freezing Weekend

Some handy tips on how not to die when the temperatures drop to hilarious levels

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by Stevie Martin |
Published on

It's winter. It's been pretty warm so far (Halloween anyone?) but now the proper winter is setting in with reports that this weekend is set to be the coldest one of the year. So how can you prepare without going OTT and wearing a full length fur onesie? How can you keep the heating on without pissing off your flatmate?

Check out our tips for getting through the weekend without being so cold you can't cope with that two second window between removing your clothes and getting into the shower.

No, but do wear a hat

Alright so we said we wouldn't go there, but it's really important you wear hats, gloves and scarves this weekend. And clothes. People thought, for an embarrassing amount of time, that heat was mostly lost through our heads - hence the importance of hat wearing - but actually that's a myth. Heat is lost everywhere. So wear a hat, sure, but then also wear everything else too.

Drink decaf warm drinks

Decaf being the operative word because, believe it or not, caffeine makes us lose heat more quickly by prevented blood vessels from constricting, meaning they remain dilated and lose more heat due to the increased surface area. Oh we sound so clever, but really, we're just regurgitating other, more clever people's ideas. Either way, get a coffee but if you plan to be out in the cold, don't make it a caffeinated one - the cold will keep you awake anyway.

Keep plumber and emergency taxi number on your person at all times

'Oh the boiler's broken and I've gone home for the weekend so can't fix' is the worst text ever. As is your phone dying when you have to get an Uber otherwise you'll die of frostbite. Have a taxi company and a plumber's number in your purse all the time so you can get hold of a plumber the moment it happens, and you can borrow someone's phone to call a taxi. Above all, your drunk self will thank you for it.

**Breathe through your nose **

No, it's not going to sort you out if you're stranded in the middle of an arctic drift while nude, but your body heats up the air flowing through your nose so it'll feel warmer when you breathe it out. Your mouth won't. Look, it's science ffs.

Put the heating on and offer to pay housemates the extra fiver it'll cost

Some rooms are colder than others, so you've got to have a chat with your flatmates. Considering you'll be knocking about the flat over the weekend, you need to have it on for most of that time otherwise you'll be sad and cold and hate life. If they have an issue with it, go withdraw a tenner and give it to them. If they're weird about it, then be really understanding and go to Argos immediately and buy an electric heated blanket because that shit is incredible.

Do these weird exercises

Lying in bed and still freezing? Hey girl, you should do some toe pointing exercises to increase circulation. First, point and un-point your toes 20 times, then roll your ankles in circles. Once you've done that, clench and unclench you thighs 20 times and you should feel your lower body coming out of its hibernation.

Keep your stomach warm

Bollocks to your head, it's all about the tummy - make sure you've got a warm midriff so you don't lose heat from your core. Doing some clenchy things also help if you find yourself getting cold.

Stamp-walk everywhere

It's the best gait because not only does it warm your feet and legs up, but it relieves a lot of pressure you might be feeling due to a lack of presents bought and a lack of funds to buy said presents - just an example. Everywhere you walk, get a bit more stampy and make sure you're wearing flats otherwise you'll either go flying or break your heels. Bonus: people will move out of your way.

If all else fails, just go online and book plane tickets to Thailand or something. For the next day. With all that disposable income crashing about in your bank account.

Like this? You might also be interested in...

In Defence Of Letting Yourself Go This Winter

A Few Sartorial Signs You're Already In Winter Mode

iPhone Issues And Other Glove-Based Winter Woes

Follow Stevie on Twitter: @5tevieM

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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