It’s a depressing truth that as women, we’ve come to expect a certain level of catcalling. We may not like it, but guys shouting ‘nice arse/tits/legs/delete as appropriate’ and other unwanted verbal harassment has become so much a part of day-to-day life that it really doesn’t surprise us any more. The question is: how the hell are we supposed to actually deal with it?
Take what happened to me the other day. I was on my way home from work when a gross, middle-aged, drunk toothless idiot shouted, ‘I’d fuck that’ at me from across the street. In broad daylight. In front of schoolchildren. I crossed the road and went into my local corner shop, firstly because I wanted to buy a bottle of wine and secondly, because I know the man who owns the place and thought it would provide a bit of a haven until the guy stumbled off on his way.
No such luck – he followed me in and continued to verbally harass me, asking me to kiss him and saying unrepeatable things about my body and what he’d like to do to it. I told him to piss off and that my (non-existent) boyfriend was en route, but the catcalling continued.
Now actually a bit scared, I looked to the owner of the shop for help, which didn’t come. I was angry now – not just with the catcaller but with my local shopkeeper for not intervening. In the end, I huffed out of the shop with sufficient force that I think I shook the catcaller up a bit and he didn’t follow me home.
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But was I right to be angry? I still expect the men in my life to step in when I’m feeling threatened, but is that fair? Was I right to expect a man (who I don’t know that well) to stand in and defend me when he was no doubt as intimidated by the situation as I was?
Well, if this horrible story is anything to go by then, no, I wasn’t. A man who police say tried to defend a group of women from getting catcalled has just been hospitalised after he was viciously assaulted in Philadelphia over the weekend. The 39-year-old man was walking along the road at 2.45am when he observed several men in a black Nissan pull up next to a group of women and start catcalling them.
When the man called the group of men out on it, one man got out of the car and punched the victim in the head. The man was knocked unconscious and struck his head on the concrete and was hospitalised. Philadelphia police captain George Fuchs explains:
‘The male victim took offence to something that the guys were saying to the girls and said, “Hey, watch what you’re saying.”
‘This is a tragic, tragic story. Here’s a guy trying to stick up for these girls and he gets victimised.’
So it’s not just women who put themselves at risk when they stand up to catcalling – so then what’s the answer? The Hollaback campaign has taught us the strength that can be found in calling people out for their verbal assault bullshit, but what’s the right way of going about it and remaining safe?
Julia Gray, co-director of Hollaback London believes that saftey is the most important thing to consider: ‘What this story goes to show is that street harassment is about patriarchal power, control and violence, not about flattery or compliments.
‘The most important consideration when you’re dealing with street harassment is your safety. Every situation is different and you have to gauge whether it’s safe to respond. If you don’t think it is, one thing we suggest is using Hollaback to achieve something we call “parallel justice”.
‘While it may not be safe to respond in the moment, you can write down your come-back and feelings and submit it to the site. People often find this incredibly cathartic and a good way of getting the anger off your chest while remaining safe.’
So was I right for getting angry with the guy who runs my local shop for not standing in? Of course not. In hindsight, it was more about the situation itself than it was about how the men around me were reacting to it and, especially in light of what happened to the man in Philadelphia, I’m glad the guy from my local shop didn’t do anything.
Who knows how it might have ended?
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Picture: Eylul Aslan
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.