As a rape survivor’s 7244-word court plea goes viral, GraziaDaily’s columnist, Lucy Vine looks at why alcohol is used as an excuse to turn a woman’s body into public property
There have been two moments in my life where I thought I was going to be raped. The first was when I was 18, weeks after starting university, walking home alone after a night out. A man began walking behind me, then alongside, and as we passed an alley, he suddenly shoved me backwards into it, saying he had a gun. He shoved me again and when I fell backwards and hit my head, he stopped and ran away shouting that he was sorry.
The second time was a few years ago, after a date with a friend of a friend of a friend. We’d had fun and he wanted me to go back to his. I said no thank you – a few times – but I was drunk and when he hailed a taxi and said he would drop me off at the train station, I got in. It wasn’t until we pulled up and he was bundling me into his house, that I thought I might be in trouble. I kept telling him I didn’t want to sleep with him and he kept smiling as if he knew better. Eventually he let me go to sleep in his spare room and when he crawled in beside me an hour later, I spent the rest of the night awake, silently pushing him off me, again and again.
I know, probably, the first one sounds scarier. But I can tell you honestly that I was not afraid. I was shouting at him over and over to ‘stop fucking touching me’, and afterwards I ran home, feeling only fury that he had ruined my coat and that my mum was right about London. But I was really, really afraid that second time. I was afraid of myself, because I didn’t feel able to scream, or tell the taxi driver that I wanted him to help me. I was too embarrassed to make a fuss because I felt stupid. I let the guy kiss me, pretended I was OK, said no politely over and over, and hoped that he wouldn’t push it too far. And I came away from both situations knowing that if something more had happened, I would’ve been at least partly blamed. Because I was drunk.
In the last few days, a victim statement from ‘Emily Doe’, 23, has been read by millions. She is the anonymous rape survivor who read a letter out in court, describing the night in January 2015, when she attended a party with her sister, got drunk, and woke up with pine needles in her hair and dirt in her genitals. She had been raped by a student called Brock Allen Turner. Two students, cycling through the Stanford university campus at about 1am, had seen him on top of Emily behind some bins. She was half naked, not moving, and when they approached, Turner ran away. They chased, held him down and called the police.
Last March, Turner was convicted of three felonies – assault with intent to commit rape of an intoxicated woman, sexually penetrating an unconscious person with a foreign object, and sexually penetrating an intoxicated person with a foreign object – and last week, he was sentenced to an astonishingly puny six months (he’ll likely serve only three) in county jail (as opposed to state prison). That’s despite the maximum jail term set at 14 years, and the prosecutor asking for six – citing previous accusations of aggression towards women and his refusal to admit he’d committed the assault. But the judge said he worried any longer than a few months would have a 'severe impact' on the 'star swimmer' :( :(
A huge amount has already been said about Emily’s heartbreaking and emotional letter, and I cannot encourage you strongly enough to read it (though some may find it triggering), but almost more disturbing is the letter written by the perpetrator’s father, Dan Turner. In it, he worries that his son isn’t eating much and isn’t his 'happy go lucky self with that easy going personality'. Nowhere in the letter does he acknowledge the rape – or any crime at all – dismissing it as '20 minutes of action'. And then he describes how his son has promised to help educate others 'about the dangers of alcohol consumption and sexual promiscuity.' The. Dangers. Of. Alcohol. Consumption. And. Sexual. Promiscuity. It’s difficult to put into words how offensive and missing-of-the-point that is. It drips with disdain for the woman whose life he’s destroyed.
As Katie Russell, spokesperson for RapeCrisis tells me, it shows that neither of these men have come out the other side of this court case with any understanding of consent. 'He’s still trying to imply he’s done nothing wrong,' says Russell. 'Sexual promiscuity has absolutely nothing to do with rape or with this court case. And neither does alcohol. 100% of the fault of sexual violence lies with the perpetrator. People don’t abdicate the rights to their body when they drink alcohol. It is so galling to hear this ‘poor boy’ narrative – there is no remorse, no understanding, no empathy for the victim. They talk about one life being ruined – his. It’s really quite chilling how these two men have managed to dehumanise the victim again. People talk about ‘grey areas’ when it comes to sex, but it’s not really grey, is it? According to section 74 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003, someone consents when she or he ‘agrees by choice…and has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.’If you’re in any doubt – if that person seems drunk or unsure – then err on the side of caution and do nothing. Surely?'
To be clear; 'You shouldn’t have got so drunk' is not a valid thing to say when talking about rape. 'You shouldn’t have got so drunk' is valid if that person is complaining about a bad hangover, or fell over and ruined their favourite jeans. Consuming too much alcohol is a bad idea if you don’t want to feel like shit the next day, but it is not relevant when it comes to a person doing something to another person without their consent.
This is still so much to address when it comes to rape. Nearly half a million adults are sexually assaulted in England and Wales each year – 11 rapes (just of adults) every hour. And only around 15% of those who experience sexual violence choose to report it to the police. And that’s, in part, because of the way we speak about it – the blame and shame we teach survivors they should have. Even in court, which is meant to protect, lawyers ask how much the victim had to drink, what she was wearing, how much sex she has. The idea that we can ask that – that those questions have any relevance when it comes to rape – is so sinister and upsetting, it makes my head spin.
So go read Emily’s piece, if you haven’t already. She says in it how she was reduced in reports after the rape to simply 'intoxicated woman', and describes how 'for a while, I believed that’s all I was.' But she’s taken her narrative back, and even if Turner doesn’t understand what he’s done, and I hope one day he will, I think the rest of us are starting to get it.
For more information or to get help visit rapecrisis.org.uk