‘She complains too much,’ one guy tells his mate. ‘Clearly she needs some dick. Any volunteers?’ his friend responds. ‘Maybe with a paper bag over her head,’ the first guy ponders – before his friend delivers the killer line. ‘She’s good enough for a blowjob.’
No, this isn’t conversation from some drunken idiots on their way from a piss-up at the pub. It’s comments made from guys at Oxford University – one of the most famous academic institutions in the world, famous for churning out some of the UK’s most prominent leaders.
The Facebook group
(https://thedebrief.co.uk/2014/05/this-video-of-a-cambridge-drinking-society-chanting-rape-rape-rape-is-seriously-grim#.U3t300JdUVo) after a female user posted a video of a notorious Cambridge University drinking club chanting ‘rape, rape, rape’, ‘she’s too young’, and ’15 years’ in Oxford city centre. But that's only the tip of the iceberg.
The hundreds of misogynistic comments group members post daily range from everyday sexist comments such as, ‘Don’t use that knife to cut the chicken, I’ll do it, I’m a guy,’ to more worrying victim blaming statements such as, ‘If a girl goes back to someone’s house after a night out then come on, she’s asking for it,’ to actual accusations of sexual violence and assault.
‘He basically believed that women who to spoke to guys in a club were automatically up for sex and accused me of leading his friend on’
The group was founded by Bethan McKernan, after an incident she encountered on a night out after taking her finals in her third year at the University. ‘I had what I’d come to realise wasn’t an out of the ordinary experience with a couple of drunk guys from a drinking society,’ she explains. ‘One of them asked me if I was going to go home with one of his mates and I told him I found his line of questioning embarrassing and incredibly uncomfortable – especially as I had no intentions of sleeping with his friend. He kicked off with a long rant about women who he felt were above their station. He basically believed that women who to spoke to guys in a club were automatically up for sex and accused me of leading his friend on. This sort of thing had happened to me so many times and it just felt like the last straw, so I decided to create a group where I could call out this sort of thing and encourage other people to do the same.’
The page quickly filled with up with similar incidences happening throughout Oxford University’s community and is now managed by Bethan and younger admins still attending the university. It makes for disturbing reading. But perhaps even more depressing is Bethan's view that this isn't a problem that’s isolated to Oxbridge campuses and their drinking societies. ‘I don’t think that the culture of misogyny that the group exposes is specific to Oxbrige,’ she explains. ‘It’s a symptom of a uni-lad culture in general. If something is said in the name of “banter” or “just for fun”, then it makes it incredibly difficult for women (or men) to challenge something they’re uncomfortable with, because you’re labelled a bore or someone who’s not able to interact with their peers in the way they should be. I’m not sure there’s a mainstream culture, but there’s definitely a really toxic minority of misogynistic people – especially, I admit, in drinking societies at Oxbridge – where the ideas of “lads being lads” is an excuse for some ridiculous behaviour.’
‘If something is said in the name of “banter” or “just for fun”, then it makes it incredibly difficult for women (or men) to challenge something they’re uncomfortable with’
A lot has been made of ‘ladism’ on university campuses in recent years, especially since the National Union Students called for an urgent end to the ‘prevailing sexism, “laddism” and a culture of harassment at universities.’ But even though her Facebook page has become more popular and more visual in in the last few months, Bethan doesn’t think that sexism and ‘lad culture’ has actually gotten any worse in recent years, despite what some corners of the media have implied. ‘I think it’s quite tempting to jump on the bandwagon and say that misogyny is getting much worse and there’s something specific about the university environment that breeds it, but I don’t think that’s actually the case,’ she explains. ‘It’s always been there, only now it’s being highlighted by the media, mainly due to visual campaigns like the Everyday Sexism Project. Social media has helped as well – now people know about campaigns like ours, are more willing to share their stories and that, in turn, makes young women realise they’re not alone in feeling the way they do and that it actually happens to all of us. Woman are taking control and are getting better at combatting sexism and calling it out, which can only be a good thing.’
Still, Bethan does accept that, as empowering as the group can be, as it’s visibility increases, so does the possibility for negative feedback. ‘We made a group decision to change the privacy settings of the group after someone who posted about an Oxford student politician being accused of rape started to get harassed online. She was being sent really inappropriate messages and being contacted by the media, so we’ve made a temporary decision to close the group until that all dies down. That kind of attack goes against what the group was designed for – it is not a group in which an experience can be challenged because if someone was hurt by something that is said or done, then their hurt is valid. Otherwise, we’d have to start drawing lines we don’t have the authority to draw.’
But for now she’s insistance that swift and fierce reaction to the ‘rape, rape, rape’ video last week, which police are now investigating, shows that the message that misogyny – casual or otherwise – isn’t acceptable. ‘I can’t speak for why one of the users decided to share the video, but I do think it’s good news that women are feeling now feeling empowered enough to call these kind of incidences out, which can only be a good thing. It shows we’re getting there.’ Love this? Then you might also be interested in: ‘I’ve Had Death And Rape Threats Simply For Starting The Conversation About Everyday Sexism’,The Library Losers You're Absolutely Going To Come Across During Finals,Cambridge Student’s Mum Searches For A Girl To Take Her Son To The Ball On Gumtree
Follow Sophie on Twitter@sophiecullinane
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.