It is a truth universally acknowledged that if you are a British ethnic minority living on these isles, at several points in your life, a white person will ask you, ‘where are you really from?’.
This is always a follow-up query, by the way. They’ll have already asked, ‘where are you from?’ but your answer of London, or Newcastle, or wherever in the UK you might have been born and/or raised, isn’t the one they are looking for.
It’s a question I was reminded of this morning when I switched on BBC Radio 4. Riz Ahmed was on the Today Programme to promote his new album The Long Goodbye and I stopped halfway through brushing my teeth to hear his spoken words. 'They ever ask you, "Where you from?" like, "Where you really from?"’ he asks. ‘The question seems simple, but the answer's kinda long.'
Ahmed gives the long answer as the track continues, highlighting his complicated origin story of being a British Pakistani with Indian ancestors, who was born in Wembley, and has made a name for himself as a British public figure but is still made to feel like he doesn’t belong.
‘Yeah, I make my own space in this business of Britishness,’ he says. ‘Your question's just limiting, it's based on appearances.’
I was born in London but moved to South Yorkshire when I was 10 so now I have a Northern twang to my accent. I also happen to be biracial (English and Tunisian) but nine times out of ten, no one asking me where I am from is looking for me to answer with Doncaster. They see the darkness of my features and want to know why I look this way.
They don’t really care that a lot of ethnic minorities and mixed-race people in Britain have never been to the country their racial heritage stems from. I’ve never actually been to Tunisia or Africa, even, and I don’t have a relationship with my biological Tunisian father, but let’s not let silly little facts get in the way of an opportunity to ask an ignorant and coded question that only serves to other me.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some people who aren’t asking this question in bad faith, they’ve probably taken a look at you and thought, ‘I wonder if I’ve been to their country on holiday?’ But it’s funny how many white people who say they ‘don’t see colour,’ have this particular query locked and loaded. And being constantly asked it by those who do and don’t mean well is draining.
I’m sick of having to go through this song and dance every time someone wants to know why I’m not white. Get some better conversational points. And just to be clear, lads and lasses, asking someone where they are really from is not an acceptable pick-up line either.
After 31 years on this planet and living in this country (apart from those three-month stints in New York and Sydney), I have grown impatient. So now, when I am confronted with this inquiry, I answer with a blunt question of my own: ‘Are you asking me why I am brown?’ It certainly makes that Caucasian uncomfortable and highlights to them how insensitive their phrasing is. They realise their error and hopefully learn from it, but it’s also not my job to educate people about othering and casual racism every time they want to get nosy about my ethnic background.
For me, if you’re really that interested then ask, ‘what’s your heritage?’ and leave it at that. You’ve already asked a somewhat personal question so expecting an ethnic minority person to detail their family tree is pretty invasive, especially when their backstory might not be a bed of roses. Certainly, if we want to discuss our ethnic heritage with people then we will share those details for free without the need for anyone to make us feel like we don’t belong.
We’re British, guys. We’re from here. Really.
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