More exercise, quit smoking or saving money… My New Year resolution? To stop posting pictures with or of the men I date. Why? Let me explain.
I used to be someone who would constantly keep posting pictures of their partner 24/7, as if – so I feel now - that’s an award I had won. In return, I wanted to be posted likewise by my partners – or at least, a little. I would scour Reddit boards and other dating articles titled 'My Boyfriend won’t post me on social media.' And even when he did, I was not satisfied. ‘Why is it on your story and not on your feed?’ I would ask. ‘Because Stories expire in 24 hours, so you can pretend to be single on your feed?’
That was, until I realised something: men don’t view being in a relationship as an achievement. My guy friends rarely used social media and weren’t aware of any rules for social media couple etiquette. And neither, I noticed also, did some of the highly successful women whom I had come to know and respect.
Some of these women are my friends and some I know only through social media. Some have been in a relationship for years, some are even engaged, but I realised I have barely ever seen their partner’s face on their feed or Stories. It was mind blowing to realise these women who didn’t use their boyfriends as a source of validation from the outside world. Their feeds were full of their professional achievements, their business and daily life.
Suddenly, I aspired to be like them. I no longer cared about soft- or hard-launching my men. I didn’t start hiding the person I was dating or trying to look single, but I did make a deliberate effort to stop treating the guy like he’s the prize. My attitude completely changed outside of social media as well. I was talking to a guy who has been on Forbes 30 under 30, and when he started acting like a douche bag, I cut him off immediately, reminding him that he’s not the prize here, I am.
I no longer cared about soft- or hard- launching my men.
Like the women I wanted to emulate, my social media became focussed on my work, travels and the awards and achievements I was collecting, to promote my work and professional life, but to also highlight the fun things I do.
As women, we were always led to believe that having a partner or getting married is the ultimate goal. So, in order to change that narrative, I realised I had to change my social media behaviour and how I present myself to the world, which is by not being an accessory to a man’s arm. This also helps me to date guys who make me feel good, rather than the ones who make me look good on my social media. I stopped searching for a guy that looked straight out of Love Island, who all my social media friends would be jealous of, and that, honestly, has made all the difference.