Imagine for a minute that your mum is one of the most powerful women in Washington and your dad is a former president of the United States of America. Sure, there are perks – a gigantic bedroom in the White House, bragging rights for life and more travel than your average teenager. But Chelsea Clinton has said recently that there are some major disadvantages (aside from the ever-present mortification that you know more about your dad’s sex life than is healthy).
‘It’s frustrating,’ the daughter of Bill and Hilary Clinton, revealed to Fast Company, ‘because who wants to grow up and follow their parents?’ Chelsea, 34, who has just announced her pregnancy, went on to talk about a scenario that sums up the pressure put on her from an early age. ‘One of my earliest childhood memories is of being three years old and on the campaign trail with my dad,’ she said. She was approached by a woman that day who asked, ‘Do you want to grow up and be governor one day, too?’ She’s three, guys. What would you say? Chelsea’s response, quite rightly, was, ‘I looked at her and said, “No, I’m three. I’m just waving a flag. That is my job right now.” Flag-waving extraordinaire.’
Now, via graduating from Stanford, getting her PhD, a stint on Wall Street and a better-forgotten gig as an NBC news correspondent, Chelsea has decided to follow her folks into politics after all. She was recently named as vice chair of the Bill, Hilary & Chelsea Clinton Foundation. But what if she had grown up dreaming of becoming a vet, or fronting an all-female punk band, or working in KFC? Then what?
The emotional implications of growing up with overachieving parents can be destructive, according to London psychologist Dr Susan Marchant-Haycox. 'Depending on what type of person you are, having successful parents, and all the expectations to emulate that, can prove overwhelming in a negative way. It's often wrongly assumed that children will naturally follow the high-achieving path of their parents, so then if they don't, they feel like a failure. That leads to serious self-esteem and confidence issues in later life. Let's also remember that the world, especially the jobs market, is a different place for young people today than it was for their parents. The pressure to succeed is enormous and when it's getting ever more difficult to do so, it can leaving young people's self esteem in tatters.'
'Growing up, Mum was just Mum to me. It wasn’t until I was about five when somebody in the playground said, “Your mum’s on telly!” that I started to understand quite how much she’s achieved’
It’s something Caitlin Clements, 23, knows a thing or two about. Her parents are Newsnight presenter Kirsty Wark and TV producer Alan Clements. ‘Of course, there’s a certain amount of expectation when your parents are successful. Nobody wants to be that kid who flies on their parents' coat tails,' she tells* The Debrief*. 'Growing up, Mum was just Mum to me. It wasn’t until I was about five when somebody in the playground said, “Your mum’s on telly!” that I started to understand quite how much she’s achieved.’
So does it go without saying that you’ll be inclined to tread the same career path as your folks? ‘No, quite the opposite!’ says Caitlin. ‘I rebelled at first and went to study business and psychology, even though I preferred English – it was my way of marking out my independence. But it quickly became apparent that I was fighting my natural inclination towards journalism. I grew up in a household where we talked about the news over dinner. That has to rub off somewhere, right?’
Caitlin is now studying journalism and is soon to embark on a Masters in New York. (‘Nobody will have preconceptions about me over there!’ she says.) She also writes a fashion column for Scotland’s Daily Record. ‘There will always be people who claim I only got where I am thanks to my family connections,' she continues. 'But, truth is, I have had to work harder than anyone else to dispel that myth. I’m pursuing print journalism, so it’s totally different to what my mum and dad have done in broadcasting. I’m actually terrible on camera! It’s taken a while for some people to start judging me as a nervous student, rather than as "Kirsty’s daughter", when it’s assumed I’ll be a natural.’
‘There will always be people who claim I only got where I am thanks to my family connections. But truth is, I have had to work harder than anyone else to dispel that myth.'
According to Dr Susan, it's almost impossible not to be influenced by parents and other influential adults when you're growing up. She says, 'From the moment we're born, our personalities are shaped by the people around us, most notably our caretakers. That can be a good or bad thing – sometimes it inspires us, other times it drives us in the opposite direction and we rebel.'
Somebody who didn’t follow suit is singer-songwriter Jess Mills, 32, daughter of Labour MP Tessa Jowell and lawyer David Mills. ‘Nobody really wants to be prefixed by “daughter of” or “wife of",' she says. ‘But my music has always existed outside of the connection to my parents. That said, it was my dad who nurtured my love of music – he used to play in an orchestra – and when you’re creatively minded, I don’t think it’s something you can fight against. As far as I'm concerned, though, I don't understand why anyone would want to distance themselves from their parents just because they are successful. I’m incredibly proud of my mum and dad and everything they stand for. I like to think I've inherited a lot of their qualities.’
For Caitlin, it was less about following the practical path of her parents, and more about learning by proxy. ‘I’m the lucky one,’ she explains. ‘In my parents, I have an amazing set of role models who taught me that you get out what you put in – that's what's invaluable, not their industry contacts. Watching their careers unfold has also allowed me to go into the industry without rose-tinted spectacles. I know it’ll be hard work, but so is anything if you want to make a success of it.’
Jess agrees, sharing, ‘I’m sure if your parents enforce strict expectations on you from a young age then it manifests itself as strange, negative competitiveness. I know people that's happened to and it sets you up for a lifetime of disappointment. That can't be easy. But I have always been encouraged by my parents – I don't think they minded what I chose to do for a job, as long as I worked hard and had a passion for it.’ Jess, who is currently in the studio recording her new album due out this autumn, says she's learnt a lot from her mum. ‘I’m very politically minded and that's thanks to my mum. But more than that, what I learned from her fearlessness, integrity and constantly pushing herself out of her comfort zone, I take all that into my performing.’
The moral of all this? It’s not what your parents do, but how they do it. No pressure, Mum.
Follow Tracy on Twitter @Tracy_Ramsden
Pictures: Getty
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.