Last weekend, TV presenter Alex Jones opened up about experiencing a miscarriage revealing that she hosted The One Show just hours after finding out the devastating news at her 14-week scan. Her story has spurred many women to reveal their own experiences of miscarriage- hoping to end the stigma that surrounds it.
Grazia's Louisa Pritchard knows what she means, writing for The Telegraph****__ in 2015 and calling for an end to the taboo surrounding miscarriage. When Louisa originally wrote about her own experience in Grazia the year prior (below), more than 50 women wrote to us revealing they too had suffered a miscarriage... and told no one. So let's do what many in the public eye call for and end the secrecy and taboo for good.
'It was during an important work call that the cramps began. A dull ache at first, like period pain, but by the end of the call they’d escalated to insistent stabbing pains, leaving me grimacing silently at my desk.
Putting the phone down, I walked past my colleagues and out to the ladies loos, furiously biting back the tears. Because I wasn’t meant to be getting my period… at least not for another seven months. I was nearly nine weeks pregnant but, heartbreakingly, sitting in the stark brightness of the office loos, I had a miscarriage
I imagine I’m not the only woman who has endured this at work. One in four pregnancies sadly end in miscarriage. But it was all the more devastating given the three-year battle – and barrage of tests including checking to see if my tubes were blocked - to even get pregnant…
Indeed, I’d just about given up when the elusive blue line appeared on a pregnancy test in December 2010. My husband Ian and I both burst into tears of utter joy.
Even though we told our parents, I didn’t want to tell friends or anyone at work until our 12-week scan. So in the office I kept quiet, dodging office drinks and wearing the baggiest tops I could find.
It was at seven weeks, when I went to the doctor to register my pregnancy that the excitement vanished. I’d been having twinges in my right ovary and the doctor felt my stomach, asking if I could feel pain. I couldn’t, thankfully… but he sent us to the early pregnancy unit at hospital with warnings of ectopic pregnancy ringing in our ears. To say we were terrified is an understatement. An internal scan revealed it wasn’t ectopic, but the foetus was too small. I had blood tests to check if my hCG levels – the pregnancy hormone – were high enough.
Just hours later came the phone call we’d dreaded: my levels weren’t rising enough. While this didn’t mean I’d definitely lose the baby, things didn’t look good.
I was devastated, yet decided against taking time off work thinking if I carried on as normal, maybe things would work out. A week later at my desk, feeling the cramps get worse, I knew I’d lost our baby.
Huddled in the ladies loos - the lunchtime rush had luckily just finished - I sat in stunned silence. All I could see was blood. I didn’t even cry, that came later. Instead after 20 minutes spent struggling to compose myself, I walked silently back to my desk. In hindsight I don’t know how I didn’t break down.
Luckily it was a frantic day in the office, so no one even looked up. I know my colleagues would have been incredibly supportive, but how do you tell someone you’ve had a miscarriage when they didn’t even know you were pregnant? That’s the ironic thing about waiting to 12 weeks. If something goes wrong, it becomes a heavy secret you carry around by yourself.
I sat at my desk until the end of the working day, mechanically typing out emails. The only thing I couldn’t do was pick up my phone. I didn’t trust my voice not to give me away.
Thank god it was a Friday so the moment 5pm hit, I walked out… and gave in to the tears. It being London, no one gave me a second glance.
That weekend, Ian and I went back to hospital where they confirmed we’d lost the baby. I remember us saying is how unfair it was. Why us, when it had taken three years to get pregnant. But then, why not us?
By Monday morning – and after an emotional phone call to my parents - I’d managed to get a semblance of control back of my emotions. Thankfully the office was very busy: a full inbox and ringing phone is an amazing distraction.
Miscarriage is so common but SO unspoken. Look round your office and I’m willing to bet at least one of your colleagues has experienced it.
For anyone who hasn’t been through it, it’s hard to understand how someone can be so devastated to lose something they never really had. At nearly nine weeks, our baby may only have been 2cm long but they had fingers and toes. They were on the way to being.
That they never got the chance is what makes me cry to this day.
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