Has Miley Cyrus Met Arnie Yet? Here’s Some Advice On How To Impress Your Boyfriend’s Dad

Absolutely *no* flirting allowed. I mean it.


by Jess Commons |
Published on

So Miley Cyrus and Patrick Scwharzenegger are officially a thing. Last night the two were snogging each other’s faces off at a football game. Patrick handily captured the whole thing through the medium of selfies on his mobile telephone device. How very 2014 of him.

Together, the two are pretty cool. She’s like, the most fun lady ever and he seems like a cool dude, but in dating Patrick, there’s one huge (literally) elephant in the room: Patrick’s rather famous and rather terrifying dad Arnold.

Amateur journalists stalkers recently filmed the clip below of Arnie being asked what he thought about his son dating Miley. To his credit (and probably good sense) Arnie kept quiet on the whole thing – even when the crowd started singing Miley Cyrus’s back catalogue at him. Which is odd, because if you didn’t fancy talking about your son’s new girlfriend before, surely some weirdo singing The Climb in your face and recording it on camera is the one thing that’s going to get you to reveal your innermost secrets.

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Anyways, it got us thinking, meeting ‘The Dad’ is a total fucking minefield. And never one that anyone talks about. There’s so much stuff written about boyfriends and mums (flattery will, apparently, get you everywhere) but what’s the proper way to meet a boyfriend’s dad? Here’s a few handy hints.

Don’t Flirt

Like, obviously. But honestly, the AMOUNT of people that swear by ‘flirting’ with dads is mindboggling. Sure it pays to be friendly, but looking coquettishly out from under your heavily mascaraed eyes while wearing a low-cut top? Not cool. Especially if there’s a mum in the picture. She’s been in the game a lot longer than you and can spot what you’re doing a mile off.

Plus, give the dad some credit: just because middle-aged dudes in films go gooey-eyed over women half their age doesn’t mean they all do.

Work Out Your Greeting Method Prior

Are they a posh family? From a different country? Really reserved? Either way, plan your greeting carefully. A mis-timed double kiss hello with a mum is easy to laugh off, but getting it wrong with a dad? Awkward as hell. Especially if you end up planting a smacker firmly on his lips. Like I did once. Ten years on and it’s still one of the most horrifying things that’s ever happened to me – and I sat through Jennifer Lopez in The Back Up Plan.

Play out a few different scenarios in your mind first and be mentally prepared for any eventuality.

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Don’t Act Dumb

There’s a lot to be said for acting interested in the things he’s saying, even if the most interesting thing he does is collect beer mats. Pretending you don’t understand the oh-so-complicated concept of beer mats to boost his ego? Not cool. I had one friend whose brother’s girlfriend kept acting dumb in a bid to endear herself until the dad asked her genuinely if she was all right.

You’re a smart lady. Just be yourself. Unless he’s a founding member of Men’s Rights Activism. In which case, he probably likes it if you act dumb, and you’re probably better off out of there.

Don’t Take The Piss Out Of His Son

‘Obviously’ you say, ‘why the hell would I take the piss out of my boyfriend to his own father’s face?’ Seriously though, I do it ALL THE TIME. I can’t help it. It’s something to do with wanting to look cool in front of The Dad, and TBF, The Dad probably started all the piss taking. The only trouble is, he’s known his son for 25 years; you’re brand new to this situation.

A couple of years down the line, you’ll probably have in-jokes about how shit your boyfriend is at managing his money but if you barrel straight on in there and start doing your ‘bit’ about how James spent 130 quid on a pair of trainers and then had to eat baked beans out of a can for a week and what kind of idiot would do that? It might fall a little flat.

**Be You, Sort Of

**With any luck your boyfriend’s dad is the same sort of booze-swigging, sweary mess of a human being that you are, in which case, great. Be ‘you’ to the fullest extent of the law. But just in case they’re not (and there are people out there that still frown on swearing, weirdos), maybe think about reigning it in just a little bit.

Obviously we’d never advise you to hide who you are, but if the most exciting thing your boyfriend’s dad has got planned that weekend is the Telegraph crossword, your story about how you got mashed at the student union and vomited into a bouncer’s shoe might not go down all that well. Even if it is like, the funniest thing that ever happened. Which we’re sure it was.

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Follow Jess on Twitter @Jess_Commons

Picture: Getty

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

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