Each morning I wake up to a phone alarm vibrating loudly on the bedside table. Which is fine, if it didn’t occur three minutes after I was meant to leave the house, and if the phone didn’t belong to my incredibly successful housemate who lives in the room next door. He gets up at 7.30 as a choice he’s made because he’s into that sort of thing.
For me the alarm signals my daily ritual of flapping about my room swearing a lot, fishing out my practical bra from the laundry basket, again, and contemplating how much a cab to central London would set me back (£35 or 'a morning's wage' according to Uber) all so that I can clock in for my set hours as a part-time administrator to pay the rent. For Josh* the alarm sets in motion an extended leisurely morning routine – he showers, read the news and actually digests the information, then has the audacity cook himself a breakfast, before setting off to his dream job as a television writer. That is because my housemate is a chronic high achiever.
The alarm has, over the years that we’ve shared a wall, become so much more than a wake up call. The gulf in our morning routines is an immediate daily reminder of how different our situations are, and essentially, how much I’d prefer to be in his one. As I use the close quarters environment of the tube to my advantage by doing my mascara in the reflection of a man’s eye, I think of Josh enjoying his 90 minute walk to work, polishing off a Dostoyevsky on his kindle as he walks. There’s a man grabbing life by the horns, if ‘horns’ represented a burgeoning writing career and ‘life’ remained life.
Unfortunately for me it’s also the exact life I’d like to own. Josh writes freelance for numerous television programmes and boasts a CV of personal achievements - ambitious short films he has written and directed, upcoming projects with backing from cool production companies and an unparalleled knowledge of all books and films ever made. Am I jealous? Of course I am. Do I freak out at how much further along he is than me? Sure, not every day, but most days sure. Would I cry a little less if he was a airline pilot? Possibly yes. It’s not like he keeps his Bafta in the fringe, but when you share a home with someone who is achieving success in the exact area you’d like to it can get you down. So here’s my guide on how to survive living with a high achiever:
Keep jealousy to the correct level: bubbling just under the surface
If you imagine envy like a pressure gauge you want to keep that dial just on the cusp of ‘GREEN: Good on you! That’s something I’d love to do one day’ and ‘ORANGE: Act normal, even if it that news is making your heart somehow beat across both breasts’. It’s natural to compare yourselves to others. People say “run your own race” to stop us from slipping down that slope, but I’ve never seen a marathon with one competitor, and it would bugger up the logistics of school sports day. Envy can be healthy, if you can wield it for good.
Assess how they've got to where they are. I doubt it's through a series of astounding lucky strokes. Josh wasn't walking past Channel 4 one day when the Drama Commissioner dropped a three-part series option deal from the window. He is without a doubt the hardest working person I know. And that's not something to be jealous of, it's something to admire.
If you do find yourself starting sentences with 'yeah well it's alright for you...' just remember that it's not their fault you spent two years after Uni in a post-education malaise, making tea for a film directors because you couldn't pluck up the balls to pursue it yourself. And I've never heard Richard Branson say in an interview 'well I spent the first few years of my career waiting for a friend I lived with to decide what she wanted to do, so that we could start at the same time.'
So keep a bonnet on a the green eyed monster by emulating the behaviour and harnessing the positive energy of an overachiever.
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Time Management – or what I like to call Time Man-Up-agement
For a good while I was convinced Josh was the owner of Hermione’s Time Turner necklace (and yes I did look into how much a good replica would cost on eBay to wear as a motivational charm). He's not just a morning person; he's an afternoon, late afternoon/early evening, evening, night-time person. He taps into windows of time I didn't even know existed - I've known him to pop a bolognaise on the boil, bosh out a sitcom treatment, and return to dinner. It’s like living with a high-functioning alcoholic but instead of alcohol their vice is getting things done. But when you share a living space with someone like that it can make you feel guilty. It’s difficult to relax when you have to turn the volume down your fifth episode of True Detective so that they can have a skype meeting. Just remember that it is your home, and that homes come with sofas and not desks for a reason.
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The benefit here is that you have your very own walking, talking motivator and they don’t even need to know. I once saw a mug that said ‘You have the same amount of hours in the day as Beyonce’. But Beyonce is a multi-million dollar recording artist with a large Hollywood entourage whereas Josh is a 27 year-old Zone 2 resident so in a way he’s an easier inspiration to get behind.
And in the end, even as much as you try to emulate their hard work ethic and self-confidence don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re different people with different upbringings (unless you live with a over achieving sibling in which case cut and run). Some people learnt to work hard at boarding school and others stayed up late on school nights binge watching the early noughties TV show the Forsyte Saga with their Mum. And that’s ok.
Don’t let success become the elephant in the room
If you live together money will be a thing you talk about. Josh keeps his wages on the down-low but we know it's a lot because his agent sent him a large Christmas hamper of old cheese and a note that said 'thanks for earning me so much money.' It’s never been an issue really – he offers to lend me money in times of need and understands when I’m too proud to accept it.
Not to go all wise sage on you, but you can't let success drive a wedge between your friendship. Imagine it from their perspective – the more they achieve the less they feel like they can talk about it because it may be construed as bragging. If they appear cagey about something, it’s probably just modesty. The closest Josh gets to showing off is leaving his door open so you can definitely see how neat his room is.
Say congratulations, ask them how they did it, buy them a cake. Don’t assume that everything is hunky dory too. It was only when I quizzed him on his latest project that Josh revealed he was being wrongfully accused of sexual harassment by a old German show-runner and he was having weird leg spasms. These problems were unrelated. It was a relief to know he was human, but it made me realise how many times I’d whinged to him about the loud breathing of the new PA at the office, whilst assuming everything must be fine with him. And on the flip side don’t mistake their support for pity.
It has some downsides, but living with an over-achiever is a lot better than living with a sad recluse. Be proud to keep such good company, be inspired, and if all else fails those coat tails aren’t going to cling onto themselves.
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Picture: Lukasz Wierzbowski
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.