Oh, alcohol. Why do you do it to us? What did we ever do to you apart from give you a loving home in our bodies? I salute you if you can knock back a few wines and just be a slightly more chatty version of yourself, but for most of us, drunk = the sudden appearance of extreme characteristics . Chances are you'll identify with one of the following ‘drunks’, or maybe they all sound a bit close to home. Whichever it is, embrace it, because we're all right there with you, bracing ourselves for the inevitable drunk guilt the next day.
The Pathological Liar
When this girl gets drunk, her life is more exciting than you could ever have imagined. ‘Yeah, I just graduated from the London School of Ballet, but I’ve decided to take my career in a different direction and become an MP. I rock climb in my spare time, and play the harp. I love the harp. Oh yeah and my dog's a four times Crufts winner.’ Alright, so the most exciting part of that is the Crufts part, obviously, but you get the idea. The thing is, no one’s buying it, mate. Especially when you’re saying it in the local Wetherspoons as you sink a jug of cheeky Vimto.
The Productive Drunk
By day, this girl’s one of the laziest people you'll ever meet, but by night after two bottles of wine, she’s absolutely nailing that life admin. She’ll be damned if she doesn't clean her house (twice) or tackle those 367 unread emails, even if it’s 3.30am and she's halfway through a Chicken Cottage value meal.
The Mess
This girl goes from zero to off-the-fucking-chart-wrecked in two doubles. There's no middle ground. ‘What's the middle ground?’ she’ll ask, because that’s how un-middle ground she is. Tbh, you hate going out with her because it usually involves trying to re-dress her as she twerks on the bar. At 9.30pm.
The Oversharer
There are many random people out there who know more of this girl’s deepest, darkest secrets than her best friends. Because when she talks, she really talks. This goes hand in hand with OTT honesty. Like, announcing to a bathroom full of strangers that she’s had enough of the club and she’s going to go home and have a wank, levels of honesty. At least she’ll tell you how your make-up’s really looking.
The Emotional One
Every night is a roller coaster with this one. If she’s not crying over their WKD as Westlife’s *Flying Without Wings *plays, she’s dancing so vigorously to Usher’s Yeah! that you're convinced she’s about to lose a limb. Expect lots of, ‘I just love you SOOOO much,’ and, ‘You’re my BEST friend, you know that don’t you?’ Which is always quite nice.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.