LittLe Mix’s Jesy Nelson revealed last week that she attempted to take her own life after facing extreme online abuse. In a BBC documentary, the 28-year-old singer said that comments about her appearance – telling her she was so fat and ugly she deserved to die – made her feel so unhappy she ‘couldn’t tolerate the pain any more’. ‘The only way I can describe [it] is like constantly being heartbroken,’ she said, reliving her 2013 suicide attempt. ‘I kept saying, “I just want to die.”’ Her turning point came a year later, when she deleted her Twitter account. Through therapy and opening up to friends and family, she was able to stop reading the cruel comments.
Today, the singer says she no longer cares what people say because she’s comfortable with her body image, and feels empowered to speak up about her experiences.
As someone who is regularly trolled online, it’s incredibly powerful to see Jesy using her platform in this way. It isn’t easy to admit that trolling can have such an impact – especially when you’re meant to just rise above it. Like many who are abused online, Jesy was told to ‘not read the comments’, and ‘not to take them seriously’. But when you’re trolled repeatedly, and messages trigger your insecurities, that isn’t helpful.
I’m trolled daily, and have been since I began my career as a journalist and author in 2013, writing mainly on women’s issues. My feminist opinions apparently incense people so much that I receive messages telling me how ugly and stupid I am, and sometimes that I deserved to be killed or raped.
Eventually, I did go to therapy and learned to feel strong enough that the trolling stopped bothering me
When this first started, I was 23 and new to journalism. I didn’t want to come across as weak, so I tried to laugh it off – just like my colleagues told me to. But the abuse I faced became increasingly sexist and racist, and eventually I couldn’t ignore the effects on my mental health. Close friends urged me to seek therapy to deal with the anxiety and depression. It took me a long time to recognise that the online abuse was serious enough for me to take action but, eventually, I did go to therapy and learned to feel strong enough that the trolling stopped bothering me.
But I felt guilty about needing help for a ‘minor’ problem and kept it quiet. It’s only now, six years on, that I can talk about it, because I want to make sure others being trolled don’t feel like they have to just put on a brave face. That makes it worse – as Jesy knows. She felt she had to come across as a strong empowered Little Mix woman, forcing her to hide the effects of trolling – and I felt similarly. But true strength means admitting vulnerability. That’s why it’s so important that victims of trolling aren’t judged for their reactions, and are allowed to see it for what it is: online abuse.
As Jesy said in a recent Guardian interview, ‘People think “stop moaning”, but until you’ve experienced it, it’s hard to understand – and it doesn’t just happen to people in the limelight. There are so many struggling with online trolling. People need to know about its effects.’
Jesy Nelson: ‘Odd One Out’ is on BBC iPlayer
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