When Did Greeting Cards Get So Offensive?

Wandering around a card shop the other day I found myself feeling like a middle aged puritan from Tunbridge Wells* with a blue rinse and a string of regularly clutched pearls.

*I'm from Tunbridge Wells so I'm allowed to say that.

Every single card on the shelves seemed to be competing with its neighbour for who can be more offensive.

'Happy Fucking Birthday' said the more innocuous ones. 'You're Not Quite Dead' said others. 'I Couldn't Be Fucked To Buy You A Present', 'I Fucking Hate You' they read

Honestly it was something of a surprise that there wasn't one which read 'Smear Yourself In Dogshit Because You're One Year Older' or 'I've Had Sex With Your Gran'.

Of course there's nothing wrong with tongue in cheek humour, or with pushing the envelope (brilliant pun, well done me).

But do all of the cards have to be quite so offensive? Can't be have a few nice ones which wish our grandparents and siblings an actual happy birthday?

It's just so painfully British to hand over a card which you've paid a disproportionate four quid for, but to pick one with a grossly offensive message to disguise your act of affection.

Could anything be better suited to a nation of people who are so painfully uncomfortable with their own emotions?

Handing over a card is a gesture which says 'I care about you, you matter to me', and in order to disguise this warm sentiment, we have to rely on cards which make jokes about poo, death and gin.

Loads of these cards are really funny, and funny cards have their place. But when you reach for a card which reads 'You Have Smelly Genitals' or 'I Hope You Die' (I might be slightly exaggerating now), ask yourself why.

Is it because the card is funny? Or is it because you're not comfortable enough to just hand over a nice, thoughtful card?

Also, card shops, we all enjoy a laugh at these cards, but I can't give my mother-in-law a card with 'You Love Cock' written on the front, so could we at least have a handful of tasteful birthday wishes?