Off to spend Bank Holiday weekend at home? US TOO and fuck me, we can’t wait. Come 6PM we’re hopping on that overstuffed sweatbox of a train and heading back to the land from which we were born.
Here’s why we're wetting our pants in excitement over the prospect.
Train station food!
The choices! Sainsbury, M&S – maybe even an Upper Crust if you’re feeling spectacularly fancy. Always topped off with gin in a tin. Obvs. Plus, since you’re on your way home about to spend NO MONEY for a few days, you can quite easily justify a tenner on magazines too.
Your parents are genuinely excited to see you
Which makes a nice change. Your housemates barely bother to glance up when you struggle through the door at the end of the day. Ever since you and your sister flew the family nest though, it's all celebrations and dinners out on the town. Plus, your parents actually want to hear about all the minute nonsense that you've been suffering through. Thanks you guys!
Mum’s Fridge
Obviously.
Your childhood pet
Limping, possibly half blind and stinking of something similar to that time you left a sandwich under your bed for the better part of the winter term at university, Molly is not in good shape. Nevertheless she was your first love and she’s going to sleep on your bed no matter how flea-ridden your duvet gets.
A washing machine that works
You've got a washing machine. Obviously. But for some reason Mum's actually cleans your clothes and gets all the make-up stains off your sheets. It's probably magic. Plus, she's got a tumble dryer which means you don't have to hang up your gear to dry outside your flatmate's smoky bedroom thus stopping you from smelling like your local pub before the smoking ban.
Finding your old yearbooks
Apparently you and your friends were *really *into Mr. Gordon from the history department judging by the unspeakable things your very underage pals scribbled on the back page of your yearbook. Plus, what was with the tiger stripe highlights you're all sporting in every picture? Who started that trend? Come on. Own up. A curse on your house from every early noughties teenager.
Finding old clothes
You KNEW there was a reason you never throw anything out. No matter how much nagging your mum did. Now the 90’s are back, and if you breathe in real hard you can just about fit that strappy Tammy girl dress over your shoulders. Bit short mind but you'll just wear it with that pair of cycling shorts you've come across too.
A new level of cleanliness
No matter how hard you scrub your bathroom it’s still got nothing on your mum’s. Whether it’s through years of overuse or that six months you sort of forgot to do it, there’s a thin layer of grime preventing anyone from ever walking in and saying that ‘Oh, it looks nice in here’ thing that makes all cleaning worthwhile.
Ted
Abandoned at home after that awkward moment in halls when that dark and brooding second-year boy made fun of his missing eye and tattered paw. Dick. Any fool knows that a night spent in bed with Ted is better than any boy.
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Picture: Rory DCS
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.