From the humblebrag to that dark soul obsessed with philosophy quotes he probably Googled, Facebook statuses are a minefield. Our feeds are filled with people telling us how many days it is ’til their holiday, and how incredible their lives are, but what if we spoke like we status?
The use of ‘status’ as a verb aside, here’s what happened when we reenacted actual Facebook statuses we’ve seen on our timelines (and probably been guilty of ourselves).
**Oh, don’t think we can’t see the brag beneath the self deprecation. We can all see it. **
The Shameless Bragger
**Wow, OK, don’t even pretend then. That’s cool. **
The One Who Just Wants A Hug
Look, someone just ask her why she needs a hug so badly (featuring the excellent Jaz Kopotsha).
The One About The Boy
Can we ban this phrase? Can we make it a criminal offence to refer to your partner as The Boy or The Girl?
The Holiday Dick
**Please, keep me updated with that holiday I’m not going on and have no interest in. **
The Awkward Callout
**TEXT YOUR FRIENDS DON’T PUT THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA. **
The Lost Phone
sits and waits for avalanche of PMs and comments due to implied vibrant social life (also feat. Jaz)
The Deep One
You must be such an interesting and intelligent person! So many layers.
The Fountain Of Joy
Thanks for using your Facebook timeline to update me on all the shit things going on in your life.
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This article originally appeared on The Debrief.