Why I’m Interested To Know How Endometriosis Affects MEN’S Sex Lives

man woman couple

by Edwina Langley |
Published on

A Twitter storm erupted last week when a University of Sydney volunteer request form for a research project examining how endometriosis affects men’s sex lives, went viral.

‘Does Your Partner Have Endometriosis?’, it asked. ‘Does it impact on your sexual wellbeing?’

It explained the research was investigating the ‘sexual impact on male partners’ whose female partners experience ‘painful intercourse’ due to endometriosis.

Endometriosis is a female-only condition, affecting one in 10 women. It occurs when tissue mimicking the womb lining is found in other parts of the body, such as the fallopian tubes, womb, stomach or bladder. Every month, the tissue acts like that of the womb lining: it thickens and then breaks down. Unlike having a period, however, the blood from these cells has nowhere to go.

Symptoms vary but they can be severe. Some sufferers experience heavy periods, whilst others, crippling abdominal pain. The condition can lead to fatigue and discomfort during sex. In some cases, it even causes infertility or trouble conceiving. Around 1.5 million women in the UK suffer from it. Worst of all, very little is known about it. Treatment is available, but as yet, there is no cure.

A research project that receives funding with ‘endometriosis’ in the title ought to be dedicated to finding out more about this life-altering condition, you’d think.

But that wasn’t the case with this new research. At the University of Sydney, they seem satisfied to allocate dollar to the examination of how the condition impacts on men and their sex lives. Never mind the women suffering every – single – month, what about their poor boyfriends not enjoying regular, carefree sex?

Understandably, this has angered a number of people.

One Twitter-user tweeted:

Those who suffer from endometriosis were arguably the most enraged. As Imogen Dunlevie – who wrote a piece on it for The Guardian – tweeted:

Quite right. It’s a strong line of argument. But, there is a however…

Who is the student responsible for this research, you’re probably ask? It’s gotta be a man, right? A man whose girlfriend has endometriosis and who’s baffled it’s causing problems for him in the bedroom…

Only, it’s not.

Jane Kealy is the researcher. She is a Master of Philosophy student at Western Sydney Sexual Health (University of Sydney) and also, a sex therapist. In her capacity as such, it seems fair to say it’s part of her job to study the sexual relations between men and women on account of a number of reasons.

In an interview with Australia’s ABC news Jane said of the furor: ‘I thought this kind of reaction could occur... in fact, in a sense it mimics what happens for men.

‘Some men have said they are really scared of expressing their own sexual needs because their partner is in such a bad way [so] they just have to set their own needs aside. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing... it’s a giving thing, in fact. But let’s see if we can use that to open up the conversation more broadly.’

Critics jumped on her comments condemning her view that the ‘needs of men’ should even be a factor when it comes to this very feminine problem. But I think that’s very short-sighted. To say this illness, or indeed any illness, solely affects the person suffering from it, is simply not true. Ask any person whose partner suffers from a mental or physical condition and see if it has impacted on their lives in any way. I’d be flabbergasted if that person answered, honestly, it hadn’t.

To consider endometriosis from the perspective of a caring boyfriend, I can’t imagine what it would be like to cause someone physical pain by having sex with them. I think it would be very distressing – like committing a criminal act. I wouldn’t blame them for feeling reluctant to initiate or even have sex with their partner. And if that happened, I imagine it would cause distance between the pair. It would alienate the woman, who, at the time, would probably be suffering enough, wouldn’t you think?

If I had endometriosis and felt the condition was – through no fault of mine or my partner’s – driving a wedge between us, and there was research which enabled him to understand his own feelings better and how they might impact on me, would I want I know about it? Yes, I damn well would.

The problem with this study is that not enough research has been conducted into endometriosis itself to warrant this, by many accounts, far less relevant project. But that’s not Jane Kealy’s fault.

Whatever your thoughts are on this, you can’t argue with the fact her study has brought this debilitating illness to the fore. This can only be a good thing. Maybe more people know about it now than they did previously. Maybe the person set to invent a cure for it has seen this debate and started their initial stages of research. Maybe, a lot of things. But if Jane Healy hadn’t started the project, I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading it. And that’s at least two people who otherwise might not have had endometriosis at forefront of their minds right now.

For further information on endometriosis, visit: endometriosis-uk.org

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