How To Deal When Your Boyfriend’s Your Best Mate And You Miss Your Other BFFs

If you need more BFFs than just your BF, here's how to make the transition.

Lukasz tumblr_mt2qsjJtWm1qa2nvfo1_1280

by Lizzy Dening |

I remember the moment that I first realised my boyfriend was now my best friend. We’d just wrapped up a furious Xbox battle and were ringing for a takeaway when it occurred to me, closely followed by: ‘I can’t remember the last time we weren’t in pyjamas.’

Suddenly the evidence was stacking up – we had a tried and tested supermarket routine (he took bread and eggs; I hit up fruit and veg; we met in aisle six. Now that’s sexy.); there was my frightening weight gain from eating at the same rate as a fully-grown man; and – most crucially – a longing for female conversation.

Not that my bf isn’t intelligent and funny, but there’s a certain something that comes with a night chatting with chicks who’ve known you since you sported a questionable fringe and platform trainers. Plus, my friends can match the rate of knots at which I babble, while my OH is forced to nod along in the style of the Churchill dog.

Besides which – aside from the weight gain – is it actually healthy to combine bf with bff? Dating Expert Jo Barnett doesn’t think so: ‘It’s important not to rely solely on your boyfriend, and to safeguard your friendships, as you never know what will happen in the future with your relationship. If you drift apart from your close circle you run the risk of being left on your own if it all goes wrong. Besides which, spending time with good friends really feeds the soul and plays big part in your identity.’

OK, so now I was convinced that while I still wanted to spend a large chunk of my time with my boyfriend, I wanted to reconnect with my friends and wear real people clothes once more. Here’s how it went, and what I learned along the way, so that your transition back into friend-land can be as pain free as possible...

If your friends live too far away to see them often, make a new tradition

Once something is a confirmed tradition, you become quite the dickhead if you’re the one who breaks it, and no one wants that. Ours is a girls’ weekend on a May bank holiday every year, with no partners allowed. Of course, there are times when individuals can’t make it (one of them is selfishly giving birth this spring) but as long as enough of us go, the tradition will hopefully carry on until we’re going on Saga cruises.

**Dress up (for yourself) **

On these weekends away – and whenever possible – make sure you leave looking more bombshell than bombsite. Because there’s nothing more empowering than turning up to a night out looking incredible with absolutely no intention of getting laid. It’s way more fun than dressing up for other dudes (Remember uni? And that time you had a two-year drought and nearly lost your mind?) and when you stumble in at 2am looking bleary-eyed but still slamming, you can have double the fun. Sex. I’m talking about sex.

**Start texting **

If you’re not in the forefront of your mates’ minds when they’re organising nights out (probs because you’ve spent way too long saying no or checking your watch at 10.30 in order to get back home), then get back into the habit of sending them stupid little texts. From funny links you’ve seen, to stupid stuff that’s happened in your day, to random emojis, it works to both start a convo, which can lead to ‘Hey, when are you next out? Let’s haaaang’ texts or, at the very least, you’re in their inbox so the next time they’re hanging out, they’ll ask you along.

Basically, every time you want to send a nothingy ‘Hey babe’ text to your boyf, send one to a mate you want to reconnect with. And then send the ‘Hey babe’ text afterwards. See also: Facebook Messenger.

**Do stuff (for you) and go places (that you want to go) **

Becoming a ‘places to go, people to see’ type of gal will help him see you and your relationship afresh, even if you’re really just going to a Zumba Gold class full of OAPs. Get out a notepad and write down all the things you’d do if it was a parallel universe and you had loads of time/inclination – we're talking piano, French, knitting, yoga, all that shit you never get round to fitting in.

Now pick the top two and sign up for a class/start incorporating it into your daily routine immediately. I decided to sign up for an exercise class with a colleague thus cementing a new friendship; burning some calories and giving myself and my boyfriend some mutual space. Boom.

Try a double date

OK, so I have mixed feelings about this, as one of my (many) pet peeves are people who refuse to ever do anything outside of a couple, but it just may be that your bf is missing having other friends too, and might just warm to your friends’ partners. Even if they don’t hit it off, any night involving vodka and Cards Against Humanity is hard to resent, right?

Like this? You might also be interested in...

Why Moving In With Your Boyfriend Is Bittersweet

Meet The Boyfriend Whisperers

Why Chinese Women Are Turning Into Mobile Boyfriends

Follow Lizzy on Twitter: @lizzydening

Picture: Lukasz Wierzbowski

This article originally appeared on The Debrief.

Just so you know, whilst we may receive a commission or other compensation from the links on this website, we never allow this to influence product selections - read why you should trust us