This week, Chris Brown’s girlfriend (ex girlfriend? Is she still speaking to him? We’ve kind of lost track...) Karrueche Tran talked about how difficult it was dating a guy who has such a famous (and let’s face it, ridonkulously hot) girlfriend, in the shape of Rihanna.
Speaking on American talk show Just Keke (us neither), she said, ‘I’ve never dated a celebrity before so it was very new to me. Paparazzi and all that. And then, even the situation with Rihanna, you know the reason why people tuned into this so much was because it’s relatable. I have girlfriends, I have family who’ve gone through the same situation. It’s the case of the ex. We all go through it, do you know what I’m saying?’
Actually Karrueche, we know exactly what you mean, because there’s nothing worse than the spectre of the ex girlfriend hanging around your relationship – even when she’s not one of the most famous women on the Internet.
As Karrueche points out, Rihanna also has 14million Twitter followers she had to ‘fight a battle with’ (her exact words) and although that might sound a bit strong, anyone whose dealt with a nightmare ex will totally relate – it’s like the weirdest form of guerilla warfare, where you have to outwardly pretend you couldn’t care less, while secretly seething everytime their names gets a mention. Any opportunity to blame her for global warming/the recession/the situation in the Middle East, and you’ll take it.
Here are the worst offenders – and how to deal with them:
The sexy ex
She makes your boyfriend go a bit jelly legged every time someone mentions her name. You were always a bit ‘whatever’ about this one, as she was a total nightmare IRL, and once set fire to all of his stuff because he got hammered at Friday night work drinks instead of going out with her. Then he confesses to you in an unguarded (pissed) moment that she was the best sex he’d ever had, and now you hate her with the fire of a thousand suns, and spend 30% of your working day obsessively stalking her online.
The popular ex
All his mates love her, and even worse, all his mate’s girlfriends love her (Facebook tells you that his best friend’s girlfriend, who you thought you really got on with, has been sneakily meeting her for lunch). She still turns up at mutual friend’s house parties, and the worst thing is, she’s always been really bloody nice to you – in fact, if you’re being honest, you quite like her. You wouldn’t feel half as bad about this one if you hadn’t caught her crying in the loos the first time your boyfriend bought you to the pub.
The tomboy ex
The one who used to really love going biking, hiking, skiing and abseiling with your boyfriend – she’s basically an action hero – whereas you get a bit nervous cycling downhill in the park. All his mates are always going on about what a ‘cool girl’ she was. Facebook tells you that despite no discernable interest in clothes or make-up, she always looks fresh faced and beautiful.
The childhood sweetheart ex
She still lives in his home town and may or may not be a teacher now. You wouldn’t feel even slightly threatened by her in normal circumstances, except you know his mum never really got over the fact that they split up during Fresher’s Week at uni, and is still hoping for a last-minute reunion (partially because she spent 18 months avoiding home town ex’s parents in Morrisons after the break up).
The platonic friends ex
Yes they dated once, but that was like a million years ago, and they’re totally like best friends now. This is always a tricky one, because there’s no way you can throw your toys out of the pram or have a tantrum about this one, but… you’re just not buying it. You can never really relax when you know they’ve gone out drinking together, and you’re hyper aware of the fact that she never seems to have a boyfriend, and spends most of her time just hanging out with you guys. Your only option is to aggressively befriend her and set her up with your really clingy ex boyfriend from uni who refuses to go away, thus killing two particularly persistent birds with one stone.
Follow Rebecca on Twitter @rebecca_hol
This article originally appeared on The Debrief.